VERS In Action, But VERS BOTTOM At Heart

 

About 6 years ago, I wrote an article titled "I'm Versatile, But I Prefer To...". In that article I admitted that in my versatility that I prefer to bottom. My preference for bottoming has not changed, and that's fine. Or is it?

I think it is healthy to question oneself about their sexual preferences and kinks. Asking themselves  what sparked them. Especially if a role (like bottoming or topping) that you are able-bodied to do seems to be out of your reach because of a mental block. 

Such as how since that aforementioned article, I have become more confident in my topping and bottoming equally. However, even though I have topped many guys at sex parties and backrooms, my main means of luxuriating in sex is still by bottoming. So how and why do I top them?

The "how" is because as I have said often, sex is always a spiritual connection. Add that to how my confidence in bottoming and topping is growing in equality, and you have the "why". The "why" being that my versatility becomes a means to sexually join with their bodies in spite of my preferred role of bottom. And my desire to join with their bodies outdoes my desire to appease my preferred role.

This is not to say that I have no desire to top. After all, the terminology is "versatile bottom". So there are a number of guys that my initial thought is to top them. Sometimes this happens when the guy is actually a total top himself. However, I'm not going to try to persuade someone to play a role outside of their sensible proclaimed preference. So just like my poem "Top Me, Bottom" advises people to use fantasies and masturbation as the means to have a bottom become a top, I use that same means to have a top become a bottom.

There is a reason I said "sensible proclaimed preference". Primarily, it is because the preference of many non-blacks who claim to be some degree versatile. Many of them only want a Black male as their top. That is not a sensible proclaimed preference. For it is based on a limiting sexual expectation by racist white voices dominating the gay community. Using covert messaging (in mediums like porn) to say that a Black male is automatically supposed to top in an interracial encounter. I feel this has led to too high a number of my experiences as a top. For this reason, I feel I'm more open to being versatile in action and at heart in my private play. In my public play however, I remain a versatile bottom at heart. It is to give a well-deserved "Fuck you" to all the racist versatile white males and assimilating versatile males of color who think a Black male's sole sexual purpose in an interracial encounter is to use our dick as a tool of aggression. To sexualize avenging the slavery of our forefathers because of their white guilt.

Since I am so observant beforehand, I have dodged many a bullet on hooking up with such guys. However, not most, but too high a number of non-blacks that I've topped have gotten pass my observing eye. So I don't learn I'm dealing with such a guy until after the sex. Once I learn that I was dealing with that brand of a weak-minded creature, it not only puts a blemish on the memory of the joy from the encounter. The blemish on that memory quickly grows into a hole growing larger and larger as if it has been eaten by the most corrosive of acids. This thereby makes their proclaimed role of bottom with me not a sensible one since it was taught to them instead of it being their personal nature.

In spite of these negatives I am faced with, I stand firm in my self-identification. So in spite of the bottom-shaming in the gay community, both regardless of one's color/ethnicity as well as based on one's color/ethnicity, this is another facet of who I am sexually. I can top. I can bottom. But at the end of the day, the majority of my sexual desire has me wanting a sexy man's cock balls deep in my ass. Be that cock short, long, thick, or thin. The important part is us wanting each other for emotionally and mentally healthy reasons.

And yes, even a backroom tryst can share in being motivated by emotionally and mentally healthy reasons. I hope you realized me pointing out how that is possible. 😊

My Poppers Experiment...A Turnaround?

Imagine coming into work one day and finding a bottle of poppers in your locker.  Some reading this are thinking, "Whoo hoo!"

Now, imagine being me. Someone who everyone in your workplace knows is very much against poppers. So if you were me, you would be pretty pissed, wouldn't you?

Well, that was me the day I came to work and found a bottle of Super Rush sitting in my locker at the sex shop I work at. I didn't throw a fit. I felt I would get a logical explanation soon enough, and I did. A co-worker later told me that a vendor sent some samples or different brands and that was the one he put in my locker. The co-worker even offered to take it off my hands if I wanted them to. I decided to keep it simply for photographic purposes if/when I write another article against poppers. Instead, as a couple of days went by, another idea of what to do with that bottle of poppers came to mind.

With hindsight being 20/20, while the knowledge of poppers being a harmful chemical still prevail as a huge deterrent from me partaking of them, I have come to realize that part of my disdain is also how poppers were introduced to me. They were shoved in my face during a tryst by a top unwilling to take his time with my hole that is tight as one's hole should be.

I'm sure that was the case for most who bottom. A lazy, self-serving, sexually uneducated top shoved poppers in their face to shut them up of the bottom's justified complaint of pain from rushed anal entry. Hence my disappointment with bottoms who use poppers for sex. For after that top usurped that bottom's body, the bottom never stopped to realize how poppers were imposed upon them. Therefore, further use is them refusing to let that realization inspire them to undo their dependency on poppers.

I italicized dependency for a reason. For what else would you call it when a bottom misplaces their poppers at a sex party or backroom, and they scramble like a crazy person looking for them. Almost in the same way a heroin addict psychotically scrambles for their misplaced drugs. Almost every gay male reading this has seen it. Maybe even during a tryst in their own home. It is not a sexy sight at all. I have become less invested in many playmates that used poppers because of such actions.

 

In my experimentation with various substances like cocaine, ecstasy, crystal meth, and even marijuana (when it was illegal here in New York), my goal has always been to find an answer to...WHAT'S THE DRAW? Then if I find that answer, my next question becomes: WHAT'S THE PAYOFF?

Especially, the long-term payoff.

With all of those previous experiments, I definitely found the draw. It is the long-term payoff that has led me to not partake of those substances on a more regular basis. For most of the substances I mentioned lead to a limp dick and/or your sex partner(s) not being the primary and/or sole source of your excitement, pleasure, and orgasm. So what did my experiment with poppers prove?

The exact same result.

For I will admit that with my experiment with poppers, I definitely got a chance to experience the draw through masturbation sessions. The high did feel great. My heart racing did scare me for a bit, but not panicking and taking deep breaths helped that to subside. I did still enjoy the high. That I will not deny.

So trust me, being able to have this experience did let me get a chance to learn the draw to poppers on my own time, and on my own turf. Without the coercion of a stereotypical, selfish, no-brained, no patience-having douche of a top.

With the exception of one time, I conducted these experiments with poppers alone. That only experiment while with a playmate was not with the bottle given to me. I was topping in a bar backroom and a voyeur I became friendly with earlier offered me theirs. Considering I was doing these experiments with poppers at home, I accepted. And it immediately bothered me emotionally.

Because compared to the pleasure I felt using the poppers in solo play, the use while with a playmate made me take time away from my playmate. That made me feel like a lousy lover. So obtaining a high from poppers took away from the pleasure I should have felt with my sex partner. It also put me on the verge of lessening my ability to accurately grade my sex partner's performance. So I never experimented using poppers while having any kind of intercourse again.

So after this experiment, has my position on poppers changed? Somewhat. Because now, I more so support the use of poppers for solo use. Meanwhile, with intercourse, I still stand behind my sentiment that your sex partner(s) should be your primary and/or sole high. And in regards to anal sex, when you bottom, your top is supposed to display patience and knowledge of your body and human anatomy in general to make himself your substance-free anal motivator & anal relaxer.

Plus, the repeated pauses to take a huff of poppers interrupts the flow and rhythm of sex. Thereby leaving participants unfulfilled. Often without them even knowing it. So this point is not just for those who use poppers during gay sex. It is for those who use them during any orientation of intercourse. And let us also keep in mind that anal sex is not for everyone.

I would like to say that the new information I found through experimentation and an article from Popper-Aromas.eu made me do a complete turnaround on the issue of poppers. However, such is not the case.

It is because people have repeatedly shown themselves to be followers of using things that can serve a good purpose, but someone comes up with a counterproductive purpose, then people join the bandwagon and make that the main use instead. Poppers are one of those things. So while there are sometimes health benefits with using poppers, you can't trust the sight of poppers when you know an overwhelming majority are using them simply to get high because they have allowed intercourse alone to not enough of a high for them.

With all that said, am I as against poppers as much as I was before? No. I might even partake of them myself in the same frequency I partake of marijuana, which is not much at all. However, I will still keep the previous articles I've written about poppers up because I would prefer to inspire people to not use them. For we are headed towards a society dependent on foreign substances, instead of the natural ones between the bodies in order to get through a sexual encounter. And that needs to stop.

Sex Party Etiquette: Older Guys, Heavyset Guys, & Blacks Are NOT The Help

I went to the SCUM party, Gush one Monday night. There after topping this tall, older well-built White male, I did my recommended post-sex wash-off, then stood on the side. While standing there, a guy who appeared to be light-skinned Latino, with black hair, moderately hairy, with a tan baseball cap and glasses looked over to me like he was about to say something. However, the next thing out of his mouth pissed me off.

He said, "You were fucking that guy earlier."

I said, "Yes."

He said, "Is he only a top?"

I said, "I don't know."

He then asks, "Is he still here?"

I replied, "I don't know." After a brief paused, I said, "Why are you asking me?"

In his attitude of white/light entitlement, he shrugged it off by saying, "Well, you were fucking him. So I thought I'd ask."

As many have told me that my eyes tell everything I'm thinking, I've come to use it as a weapon to get ignorant people out of my sight. So after that statement, I gave him one sharp glance and turned my head. Making the now awkward silence make him go elsewhere.

My thought was that it is a sex party. If you want to know where someone is, if you see someone you like who has walked pass you, you just get up off your ass and go look for them. Don't ask others about them. Especially not the person that just had sex with them, yet you have no intention of fucking the person you questioned. 

Post-sex conversations about someone's playmate are to be compliments of one's performance with that playmate. Not a questionnaire about the playmate's position and whereabout stats to dismiss in their minds your time with that person. Such a questionnaire is a power-play meant to diminish (and erase) my encounter from his mind. By treating me like the help. A walking information desk. Instead of a fellow hunter and actual sexual equal. Especially since he saw the person he wanted have an encounter with a Black man.

Unfortunately, many young white and light-skinned people of color gaining acceptance via colorism behave this way. Neglecting how at a sex party, unless you know the person outside the sex party, you practically never strike up a conversation unless you're looking to have sex with that person. Young white and light-skinned guys in their attitude of entitlement seem to follow this rule only when they talk to their own. For anyone outside of their age, body type, and/or skin color mirror image, it is a coin-toss as to whether or not sex with you is their goal. If there is no sex on their To-Do list with you, then it is probably just chit-chat for the sake of seeming friendly. Compensating for the pretentiousness that makes them sexually see you as less than.

It is not only striking up conversations to get information is not the only method one is treated as the help. These same guys will also use non-whites, heavyset guys, and older guys as fluffers. Because in their attitude of entitlement, you are not good enough to fuck. You are only good enough to service those perceived as "sex gods". Because of this attitude, I have come to hate the word "service" in porn titles and descriptions to mean oral sex. Even though I have admitted to moments at which I like being submissive.

Some years ago, seeing a bunch of white and light-skinned Latinos do this to an Asian one time too many at a NY Jock Party is why I stopped going there. And when I meet someone who has attended NYJP in the years since, they report to me as to nothing has changed. Of course, such reports only come from non-white attendees as white attendees are too self-involved about getting theirs to notice when someone else is being slighted.

For these reasons, I saw this guy asking about the one I had sex with as being motivated by jealousy. Jealousy that I had sex with someone he found attractive, but felt because of my being Black that I wasn't good enough. So this questioning was his cowardly, petty, and racist way to say, "Yeah, I want him. Not you."

Sadly, this questioner would have probably done the same thing if a heavyset and/or older person had sex with the guy I was with. Why? Because acts of ageism, racism, colorism, and body-shaming in environments like this are born out of insecurity. So because they are taught that Black males, heavyset guys, and older guys do not have sex appeal, to see such people acquire someone they want brings them to a reality that reminds them that they are not sex gods. That the world (or the gay community) does not revolve around them or bend to their every will. And that makes them scared...as they should be.

For behavior such as this guy's makes it only a short matter of time before his attempt to be a discarder will result in him actually becoming the discarded. With the only possible way to keep the illusion that he is not discarded alive is by buying off young guys with the promise of booze and drugs.

So this post is to warn many to do better. Because I keep saying it, and the rule has not changed...Karma is a bitch.

CumUnion Returns To Paddles

It is never my goal. However, a bonus to flashbacks of my public sex is when they say a real good "Fuck you" to a common misconception based on either ethnicity-based machismo, porn, or a combination of the 2.

And I had the opportunity when I took advantage of CumUnion's return to Paddles NYC.

Paddles NYC had closed for a bit as the Omicron variant of COVID surged in NYC. So during that time, CumUnion was being held at Rainbow Playground in Queens. I never attended because the nights it was happening was a night I had to be at work, and by the time I got off work, there would probably only be an hour left to the party, if that. So CumUnion's return to a day I'm off work and a closer venue was most welcome. 

As I wandered to take in the energy of the room, I saw this cute Latino in a jockstrap. He was short and slim. Shorter than my 5'6" self and slim enough to some to be considered a twink. I saw him and numerous guys approach him to be their top. One such scenario had at least 5 guys who looked my age and older surrounding him. It was real creepy and predatory to me. It was a scene I couldn't watch. I know one of the guys swooped in like a vulture to rim him, but if any of those guys actually led to full-on sex, I have no idea.

As I said before, I thought he was cute. However, as I said often of myself even in a tweet, I am an exhibitionist but quite shy socially. So if anything was going to happen, he would likely have to make the first move. Even more so seeing that he was approached so often that I automatically wanted to give him space to collect himself. That also gave me time to get up the nerve to where I might actually make the first move.

Well, after I last saw him, he came over to the dark backroom. I was standing in front a medical table straight to the back. That made him enter on my left. He then crossed pass me and stopped a few feet to my right. It was so dark where he was standing that while I thought he was looking at me, I wasn't sure. Wherever he was looking, he was stroking himself in his jockstrap. Seeing that made me stroke myself. Still seeming to look at me, he started to step back. Just in case that was for me, I started to up my game in showing interest by no longer looking away. However, I didn't move. I realized I was his point of interest when he stopped moving back then came forward. He came forward to where there was enough light to see there was no doubt he was looking at me and I at him. Then I started to slowly step towards him. That little step from me made him go full on towards me. We started stroking each other. He started at my chest and I at his. Then to my surprise, his strokes quickly went down to my ass.

Considering how he was pursued as a bottom so often earlier this was a shock. After so many guys wanting me to top, I've been lately getting approached to be a bottom, which as I stated in my Audio Fuck Profile, I more so prefer in my versatility. So he was quite welcome if that was where he was going. I love playing with a hot guy's cock big or small, soft or hard. So I enjoyed playing with his which was semi-erect when he started touching my ass, but got rock hard the more I stroked him.

He took me over to the side of the room. Wanting me to kneel on the bench so he could rim me. I loved his tongue. It made me super hungry for his cock. Even though I had no idea if actually fucking my ass was in his plans. Then it became official. He tried entering me. That's when I went for the lube in my sock. Putting some on my hole and some on his dick.

As he entered me, the connection between us made my hole do just as a past playmate said, "opens all hungry, then grabs like a vice". Because I wanted his cock so bad. So once inside me, that grip was my body's way of saying "Thank you".

Even though I outdid him in height and weight, his essence made his pounding feel taller and heavier. Exemplifying my poem "My Submission Has The Floor". Because his leans on my back as he thrusted in and out felt like they were covering me even though I know they didn't.

I loved every moans and breath on my neck and ear. Then he came. He slowly slipped his cock out of me, and I could feel my hole once wet solely from lube was now additionally wet from the cum he dragged out on the tip of his sweet dick.

I have said before that the way I can make so many assessments of what guys are doing while I'm having sex is that while in the moment, my conscious mind is solely into the person(s) I'm with. However, my subconscious mind is watching all that is going on with those outside of us. And hindsight being 20/20 tells me all that my subconscious took in.

With that said, one of the things my subconscious took in while bottoming for that sexy Latino was that guys were gathering around to watch. Why is this surprising? Because the gay community has come to only see that the only time a Black man like myself is worth watching have sex is when he is topping a non-Black person. Not bottoming. In fact, my 1st TikTok video was me complaining about how at another sex party, the room full of mostly white males ignored me being topped by an Asian male. But they started forming a football huddle around him when he topped a Latino, and around me when I topped a light-skinned Latino.

So this crowd forming gave me the impression that something might be changing for the better. Better as to how the role gay black males play with non-blacks not being as limited. Perhaps we are starting to be seen as having sex appeal as a bottom, as we have as a top. But that is just one place. It will take the exploration of others to know for sure.

Besides the older guys swarming my playmate and an instance while topping my playmate of a guy's interrupting hands inspiring a tweet, my return to CumUnion at Paddles NYC was quite satisfying. Because like the age-old saying goes...it's not about quantity, but quality. And that includes playmates at a sex party.

Why Am Not A Slut, But a S.L.U.T.?

I have always had a love/hate relationship with the word "slut". A former bartender at the NYC gay bar, The Cock used to call me "Slut-asaurus Rex". Most of me loved it. Another part of me hated it.

While the word-perv that I am loves what the word "slut" is about, I think the part of it riddled with disdain is from the many self-destructive behaviors displayed in porn from all genders and that I have seen in sexually permissive spaces with my own eyes from gay males who can be defined by the word.

Such as how sluts choose quantity over quality. Meanwhile, while I love having my body entertain and be entertained by the beauty of the male form, and there are so many beautiful men to entertain, I put quality first. Quality by way of a spiritual connection through the eyes, and not just sight of the body, or in the case of many gay sluts I have seen, feel of any body. Hence why I can go to a sex party for 3+ hours and have one great 5-minute fuck to call the night great. Meanwhile, to those who are the more common definition of "slut", one fuck (no matter how good the sex was) is a lousy night.

This is why in the poem I said the lines:

So I call myself that standing for something 

That something is not the word you know 

For those who define as the word 

In some ways, live by a different code

For that reason, I wanted to come up with a definition for "slut" that more so suited me. Then it came to me. Instead of trying to use the word, why don't I make the letters that spell the word mean something. Much like Folsom Street East did a few years ago when they started calling the event S.L.U.T.S., an acronym for Sex, Love, Unity, Trust, and Safety.

Now, I have come up with my own acronym. With that said, I'm all about sharing it and maybe even starting a movement with it. For I know a number of people whose sexuality is much like mine. They have the lust to have sex with every adult human of their preferred gender with a pulse, but won't because they crave a connection besides just a pretty face, even in that fleeting moment.

So which are you? Are you a slut? Or are you a S.L.U.T.?

No Pull-Outs, No Push-Outs

Funny how this poem all started because after writing the article for Thotyssey about how guys pulling out when they ejaculate takes away from the sex, I couldn't get the thought out of my head of trying to write a poem to make pulling out less appealing. In the process of writing it, coming across a bunch of videos showing push-outs also made me need to address that in the poem as well.

I wanted to be stern about my position on both, yet continue my poetry mission of making dirty talk free of shame, and sexier as it aided in one being honest about their feelings on pulling out and pushing out.

In the poem, I believe I said all I needed to say about why pulling out is counter productive. However, when it comes to the pushing out of cum, you might have noticed that I did not say too much for my position on pushing out. In fact, I probably more so extended my argument against pulling out. Hindsight being 20/20, I realize that being detailed and honest about my feelings on that would have likely lessened the immediate post-reading sex session I want to inspire with the poem.

Such as how when a guy shoots his load into your ass, then it comes out naturally over time with no real effort from you, cum in the butt then is a beautiful anal sex by-product. However, a conscious and forceful push-out of cum makes cum an anal excrement to me. Thereby making a push-out just a step below scat, which I am not a fan of at all. 

There was no way to make that sexy.

For I want this poem to inspire a fuck session in which right after reading, a couple fucks. As the top pounds away at his bottom or the bottom rides the top, they emphatically agree that the top is going to shoot his raw load in the bottom's ass, and the bottom is going to let time (not his mind) be what tells his body to le the load go.

With that said, I hope this poem has either done so for you already, or it will in due time.

What's In My Sex Party/Backroom Pouch?

 

If you've ever seen me at either a sex party, or bar event with a backroom, then you may have noticed me wearing a pouch on my belt, or one gartered around my thigh. If so, you might have wondered what's inside that pouch. Well, if you've been either my playmate, or a voyeur watching closely, then you already know the answer....

It's mainly condoms and lube.

If you have ventured to such play spaces, then you have definitely been ear witness to some guy saying, "Anybody got any lube?", or unless it's a bareback sex party, "Anybody got a condom?"

With such being the case, and me coming well-prepared (therefore supplied), you would think that I would be the 1st to offer lube, and/or a condom. Well, as much as I try to spread messages leading to great sexual health, guys making a request for condoms and/or lube can go fend for themselves. There are a number of instances leading up to this position on the matter, but hindsight on one in particular is what led the charge.

Some years ago, I was go-go dancing at a Daniel Nardicio party. I witnessed the usual greeting amongst the go-go boys between both, those who did and those who did not know each other. All of them were either white or light-skinned Latino. No matter how shy the other seemed, someone made the 1st move to either greet or introduce themselves to somebody. To every somebody except for me, the only Black go-go boy.

Later on in the night, this muscled up blond and a brown-haired twink were hooking up in the changing area. The blond asked, "Anybody got a condom?"

Being the enabler of everyone practicing safer sex that I was back then, I went into my bag and got him one. I was not turned on by the sex at all. After all, what was there to be turned on by? It was 2 dismissive white boys fucking, while I'm a self-assured Black man whose was then (and now) aware that their dismissiveness of just my presence was a product of their own insecurity. You can look at many a gay porn to see that via its producers and performers. But at the moment, I took pride in helping them have safer sex, and let that override all else.

However, as time went on, and hindsight being 20/20, I realized that I wasted a condom on walking waste products. So I needed to rethink my credo of being Mr. Helpful.

For what they did is no different than what most twinky to muscular white boys, light Latinos, and buffed, big dicked black guys, (in short, porn's idea of beautiful) do all the time at sex parties and backrooms to this very day. They come to the space, even if there are condoms and lube available in the space for them to grab themselves, looking to who is considered "undesirable" to provide them with those condoms and lube. Because as far as they're concerned, the "undesirables" can't get any sex themselves, and desperately need to live vicariously through them, so those "undesirables" will provide whatever the "pretty people" need to fuck.

Before someone tries going there, let me assure you that this is not about envy of how they got some and I didn't. While I am always horny, I have a work ethnic even at a sexual nightlife event. And that work ethic makes my getting laid not be a priority. Nor do I envy someone who gets an opportunity to get laid, and takes it. If it interferes with with their job of being eye candy interacting with the patrons, I'm disappointed in them, but I'm never envious.

And why would I be envious? Besides my past in porn, and waaaay more relevant are my written and unwritten sexual escapades that at least on my end, were done based on a premise other than "Ooh! He's hot!". And at a number that if my gay-fucking was ever put on trial, you would find a courtroom full of subpoenaed witnesses.

So while it's more about quality not quantity, what I take umbrage with is that in these guys' racist eyes, I was seen as one of those "undesirables". "Undesirable" to the point that not only was I deemed un-fuckable, but even worse, unworthy of acknowledging my presence in the vernacular of being work colleagues for that night. The asking for a condom and willfully grabbing it from me of all people showed these white boys to be no better than the black bums I see on the street. Black bums who when they had some money, would always ask me if I was Black American because they thought I was foreign-born, but now that they have nothing, and want some of what I have, I've suddenly become "Brother".

So after enduring so many instances like this, and ending up often getting condoms and samples of lube, I bring my own tools now. And those tools are only for me and my playmate.

I started putting them in such a pouch because I didn't want to be those guys I mentioned before, whose type are still too aplenty today. I didn't want to be one of those guys relying on others who I think are less attractive to do for me what I, as a real man, should be doing for myself. All because I think "I'm pretty, so they should serve me". That's how I would roll if I believed some of the hype about me. So it is how I could roll. However, it's not how anyone should roll.

Now, if the guy is not my potential playmate, he has 1 of 4 choices standing near me:

1. take his chances fucking raw and get an STI, or HIV if they're not on PrEP. As I stated in a post for Thotyssey, there's no shame in getting an STI or HIV. But this outcome is a good comeuppance if their "pretty-boy" laziness makes them squeamish by being still uneducated about HIV/STIs;
2. stop what they're doing to get one of the condoms and/or lube provided by the space;
3. wait for someone who does see themselves as "undesirable", so they do want to live their sex lives through those "pretty people", or;
4. use spit, which actually is not good to do because it is water, which easily absorbs back into the body. Hence why most if not all guys who use spit as lube slowly, but surely kill their brain cells by also using poppers.

That's why I take that pouch with me every time I know I'm going to a sex party, or somewhere with a backroom. Because if I ever forget, those options will then become my options. And I did have one instance in which I was faced with that. To prove again that I practice what I preach, let me reveal that I chose Choice 2. And sometimes, even with my pouch on me, I've done Choice 4 because I was so into the guy. But since I stand firm in my anti-poppers stance, I do eventually stop, and get the lube.

So as most everything  has a backstory, a simple pouch attached to me at sex parties and backrooms is no different. So if and when you see it, you know what it is, what's in it, what sparked its getting there, and what you have to be to me in order to partake of it.😉

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Sex Party Etiquette: Do You, Boo! Don't Intrude!

I knew when sex parties started coming back as the pandemic got under some degree of control that a level of social ineptitude would expose itself. I foresaw it enough to write an article about it for Thotyssey's "X-Rayed Sex".  Also being single and sexual, once sex parties returned, so would I. So I have been to Scum and Milk Chocolate NYC parties. However, I did not expect to see behavior at both parties so far that would make me feel the need to post this on my Instagram:

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A post shared by LeNair Xavier (@lenairxavier71)

Recent ventures have been plucking at my last nerve. For it seemed at a recent of SCUM's Gush party that patrons had no concept of doing their own thing. I couldn't even fuck a guy in the sling without 3 - 5 older white and Latin guys coming in the middle of it. Putting their faces and hands in places that totally interrupted the flow of the sex. It was just a night in which were so void of social skills that they all felt the need to horn in on someone else's play time, instead of finding their own.

In the case of this one 20-something trash heap that happened to be Latino, he felt the need to horn in with the intent to flat out steal my playmate. Well, by further interaction, I realized the white guy he horned in on my time with was actually high as fuck, so there was no real loss there. So the white guy did me a favor substituting me with the trash heap because my 50 year-old popper-free hole was too tight compared to the trash heap's poppered-up hole. As the white guy needed a looser hole to accommodate his drug-induced inability to keep the hard-on I created.

If anyone is wondering why I am citing the color/ethnicity of those involved, I do so because their actions triggered a need for acknowledgement. Either to praise someone for doing better than the racist sexual expectation (racist sexpectation) gay media has told us to expect from one of a certain background; OR call out a behavior that is indicative of the numerous acts of sexual entitlement I have reported over the years and which color/ethnicities facets of gay entertainment has given a pass to commit it most. So this instance, it is to cite the latter.

With that said, I can give credit to most of the Black males who were present. For gym-bodied Black males (porn-endorsed as they are) tend to also be culprits of such behavior. However on this night, of the many who were there, I had such an intrusion from only one.  

Perhaps this was a bad week. Because the last straw making me need to address this inability to do their own thing happened at a Milk Chocolate NYC party held at Rainbow Playground. If anyone has been to that space, then you know how it has a number of booths and rooms for privacy while you play. However, the doors are locked by a hook & eye latch like the one pictured below So many of the social retards (and there were many) will push the door open while you're playing and peep at you. When you are secure in your playing, or simply want your privacy by being in that room, it gets creepy. Making you feel as if you're being gawked at by Jack Nicholson's character in "The Shining" when he chops open the hole in the door and says, "Here's Johnny!"

Such patron's behavior might not be as horrific, but to the sexually secure and those wanting their privacy in a space that allows it, it is just as unnerving. 

The reason I point out sexually secure is because one thing this age of OnlyFans and JustForFans has exposed is the desperation for validation many gay males still have over their gay sex. The tell-tale sign is how they look into the camera often while having sex instead of focusing on their partner. Transfer that mindset to sex parties, then you have guys who need to be seen, instead of enjoying being seen by chance like a true exhibitionist. And they do it on repeat because they get no real satisfaction since they're just preaching to the choir. 

Only someone seeking that validation would not be royally pissed when the intruders I speak of got to the point that it seems they toyed enough with the hook to undo the lock and open the door to the rooms in the midst of guys playing. Leading to groups of 3 - 5 guys staring at those in the room. What makes this even worse?...

While walking around the space, I saw this happening simultaneously in 2 separate rooms at opposite ends of the space.

Some of you are probably wondering why am I the one complaining, and not the guys this happened to. It's because the typical gay male is taught by various facets of our own community to be complacent to intrusions upon our personal time and spaces. And I want to take us out of that display of self-loathing. Do better as gay/bisexual males. Especially since my past as a go-go boy and studio-based porn performer, I know firsthand that gay porn and nightlife are 2 of those facets teaching such rabid complacency. One of the reasons I never became a star in neither is because any rule in which I felt my personal space was being intruded upon, I pushed back. If not by verbal force, I let my actions of rebelling do the talking.

Hence why when such intrusions upon my playtime in a room with someone happened to me, I immediately threw the 1st guy out. Thereby never letting it get to the point that unless it was in an open space that one guy became a group of 4, 5, or more guys of guys watching my entire play session. Spending all that time watching me instead of seeking fun of their own. Perhaps if they sought fun of their own, they would not be so horned up that they become intrusive to one's personal space when they approach someone. Or perhaps they would be more resilient to being rejected after approaching someone in a civilized manner.

Well, as a 5'6" Black man who finds himself in mostly diverse environments, is versatile in action, yet unlike the porn-endorsed image of what he should be with non-blacks prefers bottoming, if anyone knows rejection, it's me. But as you can see, I also know how to bounce back from it, and not be a social retard because I let the rejection beat me.

That's the message I'm trying to get through here. For this acting out because of this inability to cope, and sexual repression is what is keeping good people away from sex parties. And I'm sure some reading this will try blaming my writing this as the reason why those people stay away. Well, I know that's just passing the buck to avoid the big picture. For if I don't write it here, there will be many more who will go tell their friends and the word will spread from there. My writing this is just written confirmation to 2nd their hearsay, not incite it. Either way, it furthers it as being true. And that last part is what makes me an easy target for blame. For I'm the one you see telling the story.

With all that said, is there is an easy solution to the problem? Only if the issues that are causing these negative behaviors at sex parties is corrected from the patrons by them taking a much-needed look within. Otherwise, the promoters' hands are tied, and not in a good way.

Lastly, do note that overall, I still have fun at sex parties. These things I'm pointing out are inconveniences that stop them from being even more fun. Fun that can be stifled completely for someone who doesn't know their way around it like I have found. And that's the point. They, nor I should have to do that. So this is me serving gay males notice that we need to do better. Don't come to sexually permissive spaces until you have learned how to keep your jealousy and insecurities in check. Learn to stop yourself from imposing upon other's time. For you are ruining it for those who deserve to be there. 

Qther rules of Sex Party Etiquette can be found on the more adult "L's XXX-Ray Vision". 

My Birthday Sex! A Black Guy Bottoms...Via Grindr???

When my birthday came around last year, like many because of the pandemic, I couldn't make any birthday plans. That included the inability to have a hook-up for birthday sex. Especially since my birthday was exactly 2 weeks after COVID-19 was declared a pandemic. Well this year, with restrictions easing up, I decided to do my damnedest to not let that happen in 2021 as well. 

So I planned a hotel staycation, with the hopes of getting lucky. For this, with much hesitation, I reinstalled the hook-up app, Grindr on my phone.

The hesitation was because in addition to apps like Grindr enabling people's social ineptitude in securing a worthwhile partner (for life or one night) and the app's racist monitors, I recently turned 50. So I knew I wouldn't likely get a lot of hits to my liking. Because in addition to my age (and envy over how good I look for my age), there is also my skin color, and what I'm seen as because of my skin color. 

Quite often when you go on Grindr, Tinder, and the like, the color make-up of the faces you see is usually white/light-complexioned with a few specs of medium to dark-skinned people.

With gay apps, IF one of those mostly white/light-complexioned guys hit up a medium to dark-complexioned black male (like myself), the white/light guy 90+% of the time follows the porn-indoctrinated racist idea of seeking the disrespectful term of "BBC". Because that supposedly makes a black male the vengeance-seeking aggressive top that he's "supposed to be" on white/light bodies.

It's such a disgusting and constantly witnessed routine that it provoked my quick dismissal of a white/light-skinned gymrat who hit me up with no face pic in their profile, as shown in the screenshot below:

Well, I was wanting to sexually celebrate turning 50 and fabulous as a bottom. Especially since I had not bottomed for a actual dick since early to mid-August. That means about 7 1/2 months of my hole being denied the pleasure of being filled with a real cock, and not a dildo like you may have seen in my videos during those months. So this guy with his racist ass-umption was not going to do it for me.

The day before my hotel check-in, while at work, I looked at Grindr and took advantage of their new (to me) feature of being able to see the last person to view your profile. I looked to see someone breaking the curse of most white males on there...

A white European that I've fooled around with at bar backrooms quite often.

I didn't message him or so much as tap him. I just left it alone. The next day during my first full day at the hotel, the night before my birthday, I went on Grindr again. And there he was again among the faces of possible suitors. Keep in mind that I work in the West Village of Manhattan, but my hotel was in Midtown near Times Square. So for 2 days straight this guy is popping up in my Grindr feed while I'm in different parts of Manhattan.

With this, I decided to have a little fun. So I messaged him jokingly asking him if he was stalking me. He responded back with a LOL, a pic of him at the gym, and breaking the aforementioned curse by including... a dick pic. That let me know something that I was hoping for.

You see, when this guy and I fooled around in the past, we had some instances in which he was the bottom and I was the top and vice versa. So him sending me only pics of his cock made it quite clear that he was in a topping mood. At least with me that night.

So I asked him where he was. He said that he was home. Home for him was further uptown. I replied telling him that I thought he was nearby. He then offered to come over. Once I took him up on his offer, he said that he would go shower and come down and that it would probably be about 30 minutes. That worked for me. And the plan was set.

My initial plan however was to be a cumdump. Make my fantasy become reality of getting 50 loads in me for my 50th birthday. I never posted such an ad because no matter how horny I am, I need an actual connection with sex besides the feeling of a cock in my ass.  If I'm going to refuse connection to a soul, then I might as well use a dildo and lessen my risk of STIs, which I've been doing throughout this pandemic. Well, once I sealed the plans for this guy to come over, I realized that a cumdump must be very specific in choosing a hotel.

You see, the hotel elevators don't work unless you use your hotel room keycard to activate the elevator, then press your floor. So I had to come downstairs and get my playmate once he texted me that he was there. Putting on clothes, then coming down to the lobby to get their each and every next dumper is not how cumdumps work. So if I had actually tried to get gifted 50 loads for my 50th birthday, I would have been quite disappointed.

Once there, he simply sent a text saying, "Come down."

I threw on a t-shirt and jeans that I predicted would get coming off just as quick as they were put on. And I was correct. Because once in my room, he got a drink of water, sat on the bed, and as soon as I sat next to him, we started making out. We were out of our clothes and in our underwear so quick that I can't even recall the exact moment our shirts, pants, or shoes came off.

I love guys of all heights, but his over 6' tall frame was definitely what I wanted. From the moment he sent that text, his commands, dominance, then his shadow over me after our rolling around led to him putting me on my stomach to rim me then pound me epitomized the joy of being dominated that I tell in my poem "My Submission Has The Floor".

His thighs straddling me as he breathed on my ear turned me on massively since anywhere on the head is an erogenous zone for an Aries. I knew at some point one of us had to get up to get some lube. At first, I thought I had to go to the tube of Sutil Rich Glide that I sat on the nightstand in anticipation of his arrival. It turned out being that he brought his own. So he took some and put it on my asshole, then his thick uncut dick slide easily inside me. For while it had been awhile since I had a real cock in me, my rule of Lube Desire Trust Relax Breathe went through all their steps just that fast because of the delayed satisfaction of my ass's hunger for cock.

He prone boned me at first. I loved his weight, body heat, and lustful energy raining on me. That along with finally a cock in my ass again, my hand reaching back to grab his juicy booty, and my cock grinding against the sheets felt so good. Later, he did me doggy-style. Then at one point, he spooned me. That was one of the best. For he put his muscled arms around me while he thrusted into me, with one hand reaching over to fondle my cock. So I had simultaneous sensation coming at me in so many pleasing ways. For while my dick got stimulated by his fondling, my hand got stimulation from reaching back to grope his ass some more. Plus, while my ass was being stimulated by his cock, my head was stimulated by him nuzzling me as he fucked me. So I was happier than a pig in slop with all that was going on.

He came while pounding me doggy-style. I could feel his thick cock throbbing to get even thicker as his cum shot deep inside me. We ended like just before the clock on March 30th struck midnight to become my birthday, March 31st.

I don't do push-outs of my top's cum. I have no desire to imitate such idiocy from porn. I see them as a waste of cum, but more importantly a waste of my time, and money if it's porn I paid for. And because of that rule, his cum was in me for hours before I got the tingle up there to release it.

He never got to experience the quick setup for the mood that I made when I knew he was arriving. I never got to play one of my Spotify Sex playlists. Because we so immediately got to it as soon as he walked in. And I'm glad. Because as told in my poem "The Symphony from Sex", I think the best mood music during sex are the sounds of sex itself. And we made every one of them that night.

So HAPPY 50th BIRTHDAY TO ME.