What Brought Me To Self-Photography

Over the years, I have gotten a great many compliments on my photos. Photos that in case you didn't know, were photographed by me.

But what brought me to self-photography? Like many presently good things for myself, it's a matter of making a negative into a positive. In this case, the negative is the racism displayed by various facets of the gay "art" community.

My first photos to get me in the industry were taken back in the early 2000s with a flip-phone. And if you recall back then, photos from your cellphone had a blue hue to them. Those pics are partly how I got my very first porn gig of doing a live solo show for a website called ShowGuys.com.

Afterwards, I invested in a real camera and took the photos that started one of my too many wasted trips to Lucas Entertainment. I also sent those pics to other studios along with pics from a photoshoot I won in a porn contest. Back then, predominately white porn studios had no interest in casting a Black man as a bottom. Even a racist scumbag named Troy at Falcon Studios back then gave me the excuse of "calling me when it was the right fit".

With my look then compared to that studio's other models, that excuse could only mean one thing. 😒And the compliance with it by the other performers, then and now is why I'm weary of getting too involved with studio-based gay porn actors .

Sadly, I suspect that the porn director I worked with most, Tyson Cane photoshopped his photos purposely to make sure the models on his roster had limited opportunities outside of him. For the type of photoshop he did, which was overdone, could still get a porn studio to hire you...if you were white or light-skinned Latino, but not if you were medium to dark-complexioned person of color.

Although Tyson Cane often tried to assimilate whiteness with his productions, he would have been a complete fool to be unaware of the porn industry's racist double standard. One that allows a white or light-skinned model to have such overdone photos and still get work. Meanwhile, if the porn actor is Black, that porn actor is easily disregarded and discarded.

And that is what I think happened to me. For Tyson Cane's pics were most definitely overly photoshopped, and my involvement with former pornstar Will Clark's charity events and the big name pornstars that put me in interactions with put me in a position unlike most of the other models on Tyson Cane's roster. It gave me a possible in to big name porn companies.

Make no mistake, Tyson Cane is an idiot, but he also exhibits the typical traits of a porn director. Especially one of the most prominently negative... rabid insecurity. Rabid by way of them not seeing how it is all too often their own actions that cause people to leave them.

In any case, I got tired of photos in which I did not look like myself. The straw that broke the camel's back was how Will Clark invited me to be one of the porn performers on his Bad Boys On The Hudson Sea Tea. We were asked to bring photos to sign for fans at a Meet-and-Greet at the end of the cruise. Listening to the ignorance of Tyson Cane, I got either 4 x 6, or 5 x 7 photos. Because Tyson Cane said, his "main thing to consider is cost". Meanwhile, all of the other pornstars had what is customary, 8 x 10s. Following Cane's idiotic advice made it quite difficult for patrons to carry my photo. Because they were trying to hold onto about 6 photos...when all but 1 is not an 8x10. So people kept dropping it. But I made up for it when I got invited to do Bad Boys On The Hudson the following year.

The next year, I moved into a new place. Taking my own photos. For Bad Boys On The Hudson Sea Tea, not only did I come back with 8x10s like I should have the first time. But I also gave patrons a choice between 2 photos. Some patrons were so sweet that I let them have one of each.

Besides that, one of my greatest accomplishments from that return to self-photography is how all of the photos featured for my part in the pornstar interview book "Ultimate Starz" by Owen Keehnen were not taken by porn studios like practically all of the other models. They were instead taken by the pornstar himself, ME.

Once I started submitting those photos, people started expressing interest. Even with that new interest however, porn companies maintained their racist double standard. Such as how Chi Chi LaRue and Doug Jeffries' people wanted me for a movie. BUT only considered me if I was planning to come out to California on my own. Meanwhile, I know for a fact of how they (the studio) have flown out white and light-skinned Latino performers.

In spite of instances such as that, once I officially retired from studio-based porn, other opportunities arose. Such as the times I modeled for the Leslie-Lohman Drawing Studio, my appearance in Next Door Magazine were all gigs brought forth by my self-photography. At one point, I was in talks to possibly model for The LGBT Community Center's Drawing Group. But by the time I checked back in to continue those talks, which was not long after, the person choosing models had changed. And since I followed the schedule via Instagram, I saw that had come to not have the same diversity including Black models like when I was in talks to possibly model for them. 

This racism in art (of all places) is synonymous with many photographers who claimed to have interest in photographing me. However, never doing their part in keeping the communication going when I replied to their interests. And I'm sure if some of them read this, they will refuse to correct or apologize for their falling off. Simply out of their own unjustified ego and avoidance of accountability. Even when their New York-based portfolio proves quite lacking in both number and/or variety in types of medium to dark-complexioned male models. Quite shameful when they reside in such a multi-colored and multi-ethnic mecca that is New York City.

An overwhelming majority of photographers still use that criteria of gym-rat physique and bald head when casting medium to dark-complexioned models, but allow white to caramel brown models have more variety in build. Sometimes that variety in build has so much less definition that these photographers border on endorsing pedophilia with their photography.

In any case, now you know what led me to my self-photography. Various photographers claiming interest proved themselves to be racist and unreliable. At least for my Black skin and build.

For this reason, I must use this article to give a shoutout to Manon Productions, LLC & Male Form Photos - 2 photographers who expressed interest in photographing my brown skin, and kept the communication happening for it to come to fruition.

So other than to 2 of them, if I want to show a medium to dark-complexioned Black man; one with a fit, but not gym-rat physique; and still have his hair, thereby making his African descent visible to racist white males wanting to erase it, then these photographers claiming interest made an age-old saying a must for me to live by...

IF YOU WANT SOMETHING DONE RIGHT, YOU HAVE TO DO IT YOURSELF.

VERS In Action, But VERS BOTTOM At Heart

 

About 6 years ago, I wrote an article titled "I'm Versatile, But I Prefer To...". In that article I admitted that in my versatility that I prefer to bottom. My preference for bottoming has not changed, and that's fine. Or is it?

I think it is healthy to question oneself about their sexual preferences and kinks. Asking themselves  what sparked them. Especially if a role (like bottoming or topping) that you are able-bodied to do seems to be out of your reach because of a mental block. 

Such as how since that aforementioned article, I have become more confident in my topping and bottoming equally. However, even though I have topped many guys at sex parties and backrooms, my main means of luxuriating in sex is still by bottoming. So how and why do I top them?

The "how" is because as I have said often, sex is always a spiritual connection. Add that to how my confidence in bottoming and topping is growing in equality, and you have the "why". The "why" being that my versatility becomes a means to sexually join with their bodies in spite of my preferred role of bottom. And my desire to join with their bodies outdoes my desire to appease my preferred role.

This is not to say that I have no desire to top. After all, the terminology is "versatile bottom". So there are a number of guys that my initial thought is to top them. Sometimes this happens when the guy is actually a total top himself. However, I'm not going to try to persuade someone to play a role outside of their sensible proclaimed preference. So just like my poem "Top Me, Bottom" advises people to use fantasies and masturbation as the means to have a bottom become a top, I use that same means to have a top become a bottom.

There is a reason I said "sensible proclaimed preference". Primarily, it is because the preference of many non-blacks who claim to be some degree versatile. Many of them only want a Black male as their top. That is not a sensible proclaimed preference. For it is based on a limiting sexual expectation by racist white voices dominating the gay community. Using covert messaging (in mediums like porn) to say that a Black male is automatically supposed to top in an interracial encounter. I feel this has led to too high a number of my experiences as a top. For this reason, I feel I'm more open to being versatile in action and at heart in my private play. In my public play however, I remain a versatile bottom at heart. It is to give a well-deserved "Fuck you" to all the racist versatile white males and assimilating versatile males of color who think a Black male's sole sexual purpose in an interracial encounter is to use our dick as a tool of aggression. To sexualize avenging the slavery of our forefathers because of their white guilt.

Since I am so observant beforehand, I have dodged many a bullet on hooking up with such guys. However, not most, but too high a number of non-blacks that I've topped have gotten pass my observing eye. So I don't learn I'm dealing with such a guy until after the sex. Once I learn that I was dealing with that brand of a weak-minded creature, it not only puts a blemish on the memory of the joy from the encounter. The blemish on that memory quickly grows into a hole growing larger and larger as if it has been eaten by the most corrosive of acids. This thereby makes their proclaimed role of bottom with me not a sensible one since it was taught to them instead of it being their personal nature.

In spite of these negatives I am faced with, I stand firm in my self-identification. So in spite of the bottom-shaming in the gay community, both regardless of one's color/ethnicity as well as based on one's color/ethnicity, this is another facet of who I am sexually. I can top. I can bottom. But at the end of the day, the majority of my sexual desire has me wanting a sexy man's cock balls deep in my ass. Be that cock short, long, thick, or thin. The important part is us wanting each other for emotionally and mentally healthy reasons.

And yes, even a backroom tryst can share in being motivated by emotionally and mentally healthy reasons. I hope you realized me pointing out how that is possible. 😊

If Face Obstructions Are Your Schtick, I'm Not Watching Your Sh*t

When I say in the title "face obstructions", I mean those creating a porn following while hiding their face. Doing everything from wearing a hood or mask, wearing a blindfold, pixelating the face, blurring the face, to blocking the face with a phone or other object. There seems to be a lot of porn out there now made by such people using this gimmick. It is an idiocy I want no part of.

I won't subscribe to it, nor would I ever hook-up on camera with such a person. And it makes me feel a certain way about those subscribing to them, but even worse, collaborating with them. Because it means they are enabling every negative I speak of in this article about this schtick. And I won't cancel those who collaborate with them. My concern is that they are not seeing this to the depth that I'm seeing it. Hence part of the necessity for this article.

Before I go any further though, let it be known that I am not talking about people who do one or two porn scenes with their face obstructed. With an avoidance of  notoriety that makes them either not have a name or paid following. Such as my playmate from years ago in my homemade video "Why It's WE Fucked".

I am also not talking about guys who have donned a hood/mask occasionally, but overall you still know their face. This is to address the one obsessed creature on Instagram who tried to call me a hypocrite for criticizing mask-wearing in porn because I wore a hood in one of my videos. Meanwhile, in over 95% of my videos before and since that one, my face has been shown. Because me wearing a hood or mask is like everything else I do sexually. It hits me in that moment, then afterwards, I put it away for another day.

The first problem with these facial obstructions is that it is a fake freedom. They think they are sexually liberated, but they are not. If you really own what you are doing, you don't hide your face doing it.

I was done enabling sexual lies to myself and others the very day I came out to myself on February 9, 2002. So I'm not hooking up on camera (or otherwise) with a person lying to themselves. Because if they are lying to themselves, there's a good chance they are lying to others. And not just a corporate job, which is the go-to excuse. But to a partner. Maybe even a partner who is a girlfriend/wife. And collaborating with such a guy makes you an enabler to a lie. Bad karma I don't want coming my way.

Many don't realize that everyone who does a facial obstruction in porn fits a racist white-endorsed image of sex appeal. If you think I'm wrong, then comment with someone who does not fall into the skin color-based traits listed below.

WHITE MALES - All a white male obstructing his face in porn really needs for acceptance is to have is a fit body. Thanks to the sexual white male privilege displayed in the gay community, a top having a big dick, or a bottom having a nice ass is appreciated, but not necessarily a must. For people of color however, such is not the case;

LIGHT-SKINNED NON-WHITE MALES - The colorism that is used to cover up racism is heavily used here. For the rules for light-skinned males obstructing their face are a bit more open than for a medium to dark-complexioned male, but still limiting.

For light-skinned males, the rules of acceptance of their facial obstruction is a whispered reminder of how much they are not white, even though many try to assimilate the racism of whites. Because for light-skinned males, unlike with white males, being well-endowed in the marketed area of the body is indeed a must. Therefore, a light-skinned bottom will not be accepted without having a nice ass, and a light-skinned top won't be accepted without having a big dick. And while his white counterpart can be a grower, a light-skinned male is only accepted if he is a shower.

MEDIUM TO DARK-COMPLEXIONED MALES - While the rules for a facially obstructed medium to dark-complexioned male being accepted start off being the same as those for a light-complexioned male, how much of the superficial success he'll achieve is dependent upon whether he is doing so as a top or bottom. Hence furthering my point of how the rules are racist white-endorsed.

For a black male being a top using his dick as a weapon to avenge slavery is still the typical white ideal of what makes a black male sexy. And all of the more popular black males with their faces obstructed as their porn schtick and featured in interracial scenes are all big-dicked, aggressive fucking tops. Medium to dark-complexioned bottoms hiding their face are nowhere nearly as popular.

Going back to the hiding because of one's job excuse. To that I say...

No one told you to live a life in which you can't do porn freely. Furthermore, doing porn for the public to see should not be a necessity. If one sees it as a necessity, it is because they have allowed their sexuality to be validated by other's point of view. That is not a necessity. That is a sign of a social dysfunction within. Especially since most of those that the validation is sought from are more about depravity than exhibitionism. And sad to admit, but doing porn is often treated as a rite of passage for gay males. So this social dysfunction is often heavily pushed upon us to have.

And I'm not going to request this politely, so I'm not saying "please". I'm just going to come right out and say do not try using the necessity for income during the pandemic as an excuse. Why not? Because it might be the case for some, and for them, I do empathize with their situation. However, facial obstruction for the negative reasons I have stated have been in existence long before the pandemic. The increase in porn viewing during the lockdown just happened to expose us to how too many have been doing it.

I want people who seek having an exhibitionist spirit and being sexually liberated to do so in both word and action. These facial obstructions are not it. And my coming down so harshly is because as adults, we all should know better. Instead, we have adults who in all of the ways I'm refusing to contribute to this falsehood of liberation are actually making a trail of to feed the falsehood.

So as I said before, I am not supporting a lie of sexual liberation. Not by way of my writing, my social media sharing, in spirit, and most definitely not by way of my wallet.