VERS In Action, But VERS BOTTOM At Heart

 

About 6 years ago, I wrote an article titled "I'm Versatile, But I Prefer To...". In that article I admitted that in my versatility that I prefer to bottom. My preference for bottoming has not changed, and that's fine. Or is it?

I think it is healthy to question oneself about their sexual preferences and kinks. Asking themselves  what sparked them. Especially if a role (like bottoming or topping) that you are able-bodied to do seems to be out of your reach because of a mental block. 

Such as how since that aforementioned article, I have become more confident in my topping and bottoming equally. However, even though I have topped many guys at sex parties and backrooms, my main means of luxuriating in sex is still by bottoming. So how and why do I top them?

The "how" is because as I have said often, sex is always a spiritual connection. Add that to how my confidence in bottoming and topping is growing in equality, and you have the "why". The "why" being that my versatility becomes a means to sexually join with their bodies in spite of my preferred role of bottom. And my desire to join with their bodies outdoes my desire to appease my preferred role.

This is not to say that I have no desire to top. After all, the terminology is "versatile bottom". So there are a number of guys that my initial thought is to top them. Sometimes this happens when the guy is actually a total top himself. However, I'm not going to try to persuade someone to play a role outside of their sensible proclaimed preference. So just like my poem "Top Me, Bottom" advises people to use fantasies and masturbation as the means to have a bottom become a top, I use that same means to have a top become a bottom.

There is a reason I said "sensible proclaimed preference". Primarily, it is because the preference of many non-blacks who claim to be some degree versatile. Many of them only want a Black male as their top. That is not a sensible proclaimed preference. For it is based on a limiting sexual expectation by racist white voices dominating the gay community. Using covert messaging (in mediums like porn) to say that a Black male is automatically supposed to top in an interracial encounter. I feel this has led to too high a number of my experiences as a top. For this reason, I feel I'm more open to being versatile in action and at heart in my private play. In my public play however, I remain a versatile bottom at heart. It is to give a well-deserved "Fuck you" to all the racist versatile white males and assimilating versatile males of color who think a Black male's sole sexual purpose in an interracial encounter is to use our dick as a tool of aggression. To sexualize avenging the slavery of our forefathers because of their white guilt.

Since I am so observant beforehand, I have dodged many a bullet on hooking up with such guys. However, not most, but too high a number of non-blacks that I've topped have gotten pass my observing eye. So I don't learn I'm dealing with such a guy until after the sex. Once I learn that I was dealing with that brand of a weak-minded creature, it not only puts a blemish on the memory of the joy from the encounter. The blemish on that memory quickly grows into a hole growing larger and larger as if it has been eaten by the most corrosive of acids. This thereby makes their proclaimed role of bottom with me not a sensible one since it was taught to them instead of it being their personal nature.

In spite of these negatives I am faced with, I stand firm in my self-identification. So in spite of the bottom-shaming in the gay community, both regardless of one's color/ethnicity as well as based on one's color/ethnicity, this is another facet of who I am sexually. I can top. I can bottom. But at the end of the day, the majority of my sexual desire has me wanting a sexy man's cock balls deep in my ass. Be that cock short, long, thick, or thin. The important part is us wanting each other for emotionally and mentally healthy reasons.

And yes, even a backroom tryst can share in being motivated by emotionally and mentally healthy reasons. I hope you realized me pointing out how that is possible. 😊

My Poppers Experiment...A Turnaround?

Imagine coming into work one day and finding a bottle of poppers in your locker.  Some reading this are thinking, "Whoo hoo!"

Now, imagine being me. Someone who everyone in your workplace knows is very much against poppers. So if you were me, you would be pretty pissed, wouldn't you?

Well, that was me the day I came to work and found a bottle of Super Rush sitting in my locker at the sex shop I work at. I didn't throw a fit. I felt I would get a logical explanation soon enough, and I did. A co-worker later told me that a vendor sent some samples or different brands and that was the one he put in my locker. The co-worker even offered to take it off my hands if I wanted them to. I decided to keep it simply for photographic purposes if/when I write another article against poppers. Instead, as a couple of days went by, another idea of what to do with that bottle of poppers came to mind.

With hindsight being 20/20, while the knowledge of poppers being a harmful chemical still prevail as a huge deterrent from me partaking of them, I have come to realize that part of my disdain is also how poppers were introduced to me. They were shoved in my face during a tryst by a top unwilling to take his time with my hole that is tight as one's hole should be.

I'm sure that was the case for most who bottom. A lazy, self-serving, sexually uneducated top shoved poppers in their face to shut them up of the bottom's justified complaint of pain from rushed anal entry. Hence my disappointment with bottoms who use poppers for sex. For after that top usurped that bottom's body, the bottom never stopped to realize how poppers were imposed upon them. Therefore, further use is them refusing to let that realization inspire them to undo their dependency on poppers.

I italicized dependency for a reason. For what else would you call it when a bottom misplaces their poppers at a sex party or backroom, and they scramble like a crazy person looking for them. Almost in the same way a heroin addict psychotically scrambles for their misplaced drugs. Almost every gay male reading this has seen it. Maybe even during a tryst in their own home. It is not a sexy sight at all. I have become less invested in many playmates that used poppers because of such actions.

 

In my experimentation with various substances like cocaine, ecstasy, crystal meth, and even marijuana (when it was illegal here in New York), my goal has always been to find an answer to...WHAT'S THE DRAW? Then if I find that answer, my next question becomes: WHAT'S THE PAYOFF?

Especially, the long-term payoff.

With all of those previous experiments, I definitely found the draw. It is the long-term payoff that has led me to not partake of those substances on a more regular basis. For most of the substances I mentioned lead to a limp dick and/or your sex partner(s) not being the primary and/or sole source of your excitement, pleasure, and orgasm. So what did my experiment with poppers prove?

The exact same result.

For I will admit that with my experiment with poppers, I definitely got a chance to experience the draw through masturbation sessions. The high did feel great. My heart racing did scare me for a bit, but not panicking and taking deep breaths helped that to subside. I did still enjoy the high. That I will not deny.

So trust me, being able to have this experience did let me get a chance to learn the draw to poppers on my own time, and on my own turf. Without the coercion of a stereotypical, selfish, no-brained, no patience-having douche of a top.

With the exception of one time, I conducted these experiments with poppers alone. That only experiment while with a playmate was not with the bottle given to me. I was topping in a bar backroom and a voyeur I became friendly with earlier offered me theirs. Considering I was doing these experiments with poppers at home, I accepted. And it immediately bothered me emotionally.

Because compared to the pleasure I felt using the poppers in solo play, the use while with a playmate made me take time away from my playmate. That made me feel like a lousy lover. So obtaining a high from poppers took away from the pleasure I should have felt with my sex partner. It also put me on the verge of lessening my ability to accurately grade my sex partner's performance. So I never experimented using poppers while having any kind of intercourse again.

So after this experiment, has my position on poppers changed? Somewhat. Because now, I more so support the use of poppers for solo use. Meanwhile, with intercourse, I still stand behind my sentiment that your sex partner(s) should be your primary and/or sole high. And in regards to anal sex, when you bottom, your top is supposed to display patience and knowledge of your body and human anatomy in general to make himself your substance-free anal motivator & anal relaxer.

Plus, the repeated pauses to take a huff of poppers interrupts the flow and rhythm of sex. Thereby leaving participants unfulfilled. Often without them even knowing it. So this point is not just for those who use poppers during gay sex. It is for those who use them during any orientation of intercourse. And let us also keep in mind that anal sex is not for everyone.

I would like to say that the new information I found through experimentation and an article from Popper-Aromas.eu made me do a complete turnaround on the issue of poppers. However, such is not the case.

It is because people have repeatedly shown themselves to be followers of using things that can serve a good purpose, but someone comes up with a counterproductive purpose, then people join the bandwagon and make that the main use instead. Poppers are one of those things. So while there are sometimes health benefits with using poppers, you can't trust the sight of poppers when you know an overwhelming majority are using them simply to get high because they have allowed intercourse alone to not enough of a high for them.

With all that said, am I as against poppers as much as I was before? No. I might even partake of them myself in the same frequency I partake of marijuana, which is not much at all. However, I will still keep the previous articles I've written about poppers up because I would prefer to inspire people to not use them. For we are headed towards a society dependent on foreign substances, instead of the natural ones between the bodies in order to get through a sexual encounter. And that needs to stop.

Denied Self Becomes Violent Self

Originally posted on "Tre's X-Ray Vision" on February 7, 2008

While I have definitely had my say regarding my disdain for "gay-for-pay" actors, a news item that had been brought to my attention thanks to Men Of Color Blog back in 2008 brought forth another reason to light as why studios should stay away from these guys.

I have admitted to being a fan of his, even considered him as a possible scene partner knowing he was "gay-for-pay", but when I heard that Nickolay Petrov was being charge with attempted murder, I started to realize that there seems to be a trend going on here. It seems that every gay porn actor that makes the headlines because of some act of violence is a "gay-for-pay" actor. Look at the other people I can use as evidence - Marcus Allen, Mark Dalton, and one of my very own past scene partners, Double R (from what I've heard) is in trouble with the law in a way that could put him away for a long time.

Now, I am in no way about imply that truly gay men don't have a violent streak. But you have to wonder, does the fact that these "gay-for-pay" actors denying their true selves contribute to the violent acts there are accused of. Are they taking violence as a way to show the manhood they fear losing if they admit that they're gay or bisexual? Or is the violence against someone else actually them using their victim(s) as a punching bag for how much they want to hit themselves for lying to themselves and the women in their lives about their sexual orientation?

I'm sure that is the reason for that violent streak because, I was once there myself. I admit to having a terrible temper, but before my realizing my sexual orientation and embracing it, I had a lot less control over it. In fact, I left my last job out of fear that my temper was going to get out of control, and I would become another news story of a disgruntled employee. Even though, I have a great deal to be angry with my present employers over that could put me in that same state of mind, since my sexual awakening, the thoughts to resort to a horrific degree of violence are under control. Why? Because my anger towards my former employers compounded with my anger towards myself for lying about who I really am gave me a need to release that self-inflicted inner-rage. Now, even though my present employers are assholes inept at being humane, with the anger gone due to my resolving the issue of my sexual orientation, my anger towards them is strictly towards them. And I never get angry enough towards them that it blinds me to the fact that no employer is worth me risking my life as a free member of society.

It has been theorized that gay-bashers attack gays out of self-loathing they feel because gays live the sex lives the gay-bashers have thought about even for a flash at one point or another, but feel guilty because of the environments the gay-bashers were raised in. And these "gay-for-pay" actors committing these acts of violence may be even worse, because compared to gay-bashers who usually attack total strangers, more of these "gay-for-pay" actors are attacking people who are a part of their life, be it business or personal. With that in mind, I believe that it is safe for me personally to theorize that their victim becomes a target when they in some way remind the "gay-for-pay" actor of his gay acts that he tries to bury because he's not on a gay porn set at that time.

Once again, I must address this to the studios hiring these guys, who as it seems that because of their denial of themselves are more capable of these violent acts than your already out and proud gay/bi man. Because of this potential for violence due to self-loathing, these guys are a risk to the image you should want to present. I am not saying that a truly gay/bi man is not capable of the same degree of violence, but when you are knowingly bring someone in denial of themselves into the fold, you create an almost 100% risk to creating a mentally unsafe environment for your truly gay actors. Remember my incident with Double R? These "gay-for-pay" guys bring their uneasy vibe from their self-denial with them, and since producers and directors aren't the ones topping or (even more uneasy) being a bottom with these guys, you don't know of what us actors have to mentally put ourselves through to deal with these guys. What would be even worse though would be if you didn't care.

At this point, I do not totally fault the porn studios for hiring these guys. There is a fascination with them as to how they call themselves straight yet fuck men. But now that I have presented this reality to myself, and passed it on to you, I hope this fascination is over for you as it is now over for me. With that being said, should this "gay-for-pay" trend continue, I will begin to hold studios responsible. These are obviously unstable people, more unstable than most, and allowing them into the fold of gay porn to deal with the demands of it will only increase their instability.

Why Am Not A Slut, But a S.L.U.T.?

I have always had a love/hate relationship with the word "slut". A former bartender at the NYC gay bar, The Cock used to call me "Slut-asaurus Rex". Most of me loved it. Another part of me hated it.

While the word-perv that I am loves what the word "slut" is about, I think the part of it riddled with disdain is from the many self-destructive behaviors displayed in porn from all genders and that I have seen in sexually permissive spaces with my own eyes from gay males who can be defined by the word.

Such as how sluts choose quantity over quality. Meanwhile, while I love having my body entertain and be entertained by the beauty of the male form, and there are so many beautiful men to entertain, I put quality first. Quality by way of a spiritual connection through the eyes, and not just sight of the body, or in the case of many gay sluts I have seen, feel of any body. Hence why I can go to a sex party for 3+ hours and have one great 5-minute fuck to call the night great. Meanwhile, to those who are the more common definition of "slut", one fuck (no matter how good the sex was) is a lousy night.

This is why in the poem I said the lines:

So I call myself that standing for something 

That something is not the word you know 

For those who define as the word 

In some ways, live by a different code

For that reason, I wanted to come up with a definition for "slut" that more so suited me. Then it came to me. Instead of trying to use the word, why don't I make the letters that spell the word mean something. Much like Folsom Street East did a few years ago when they started calling the event S.L.U.T.S., an acronym for Sex, Love, Unity, Trust, and Safety.

Now, I have come up with my own acronym. With that said, I'm all about sharing it and maybe even starting a movement with it. For I know a number of people whose sexuality is much like mine. They have the lust to have sex with every adult human of their preferred gender with a pulse, but won't because they crave a connection besides just a pretty face, even in that fleeting moment.

So which are you? Are you a slut? Or are you a S.L.U.T.?

If You Know Your Beauty So Much, Why Are Your Actions So Ugly?

Recently I was at the New York City gay bar, The Cock. As usual there, I took advantage of their allowance to strip down to my underwear. Immediately after stripping down to the top and bottom pictured, I went to the bar to order a drink.

While waiting, it was not even 20 minutes into being stripped down before I felt a smack across my butt. The only suspect was a black male with brown dreadlocks walking pass. Obviously, a socially inept creature thinking my being in my underwear made me a free-for-all. I didn't chase after him to call him on his ignorance. I figured if he was that stupid, he would do something else in due time. If not to me, then to someone else.

Anyway, after getting my drink, I went downstairs.

Not too long after, I came back upstairs to get away and continue my drink. I was leaning against the bar, and the black guy returned. This time, he came at me and immediately started touching me as he tried talking to me. I repeatedly kept moving his hand. He acted as if I was overreacting. As he proceeded trying to talk to me, he again began reaching to touch on me while he talked. I finally told him, "Talk with your mouth. Not with your hands."

Owning my body enough to say that pissed him off. So much so, he said the stupidest thing to me.
He said, "Look. I know my beauty---"

Once I heard those words, I immediately cut him off saying, "Excuse me! With your behavior right now,...you have no beauty!"

I then sashayed away to the restroom.

I cut him off so quickly because I knew exactly where his speech of him "knowing his beauty" was born from. It was born out of what he (like many Black males, including myself) have likely encountered from all too many racist white/light-skinned males.

White boys and assimilating light-skinned boys of color who treat black males like they're too ugly to be acknowledged in a cruising spot. By acts such as:

• acting bothered by a medium to dark-complexioned Black male admiring their initial only skin-deep beauty;
• trying to literally push those black males out of the way so they can get to another white/light-skinned guy they've targeted, and/or;
• trying to steal away a white/light-skinned guy after he is already in the company of a black male.

So the problem is that as a Black man, a very aware Black man at that, I will always be the wrong audience for this guy's intended speech of him knowing his beauty.

He probably tried that speech on me because while those feelings were probably justifiably festering inside him, he was too much of a coward to say it to an actual white or light-skinned boy. Likely due to how in many such spaces, after doing some act of self-entitlement, white males will turn on their White Fragility "I'm afraid" cry to security at a venue. Fearing rightful retaliation from the Black male they slighted. Then unfairly, security will appease the white male's attitude of privilege by treating the Black person as the troublemaking party. Often without even hearing details of what led up to the conflict.

So in short, this black male's actions towards me were no better or different than any such white male. For in the end, he tried that speech on me because like those type of white/light guys, he saw me as less than. Namely, less of a threat if I get offended by his attack.

Well, this post is proof how I am actually more of a threat than those white males. For the reason such unwanted touch still goes on so frequently is because the same white/light guys this black male was afraid to ruffle the feathers of are the same ones who want to be identified as "strong adult males". Yet they sit in silence about unwanted touch. Even going as far as mocking me for talking publicly on social media about it.

Analyzing this guy's aggression in his approach to me sadly exposes why one seldom sees me play with a black male at racially diverse events.

It's because many (not all) of the black males I encounter at more racially diverse events assimilate what I call, "the gorilla nigger" aggression of the typical black porn actor in an interracial scene. They feel this is how to get the indoctrinated prize of a white/light guy as your sex partner. More specifically, as your white/light-skinned bottom. And this does work for some. However, it usually ends up that the black top is treated as a disposable entity. Very much like the black tops are treated in porn.

And speaking of porn, the ignorance in following that is because your typical gay porn actor is a prostitute. I know we are in this age of not shaming sex workers, but this aspect here deserves it. For that prostitution mindset allows these white/light-skinned porn actors to have sex with a black with money, and not genuine attraction as the sole motivation. This includes for their OnlyFans, JustForFans, 4MyFans, etc. accounts as well. For sometimes they hook-up with a black male simply as a means to dodge being accused of racism. Like the many scumbag white/light-skinned models who treat their 1st (or any)time of taking on a black cock to be deserving of a badge of honor.

 
This following of porn-endorsed archetypes is why many black males in multi-colored environments fail the black male community, but even more so, themselves. Such as the black male who stepped to me that night. With his biggest mistake being like most such black males...He never turned that porn-endorsed aggression off when approaching a Black male. He forgot how unnecessary (and for me, downright unappealing) that role is.

For that reason, he loss any chance he had with me. And he will continue to lose whenever he tries stepping to someone of any color self-aware and self-assured as I have now become.

  
Don't get me wrong. As a result of overcoming my years ago self-proclaimed racism towards other Black males because of trauma, I do find some Black males who are sexy as fuck just like every other color/ethnicity. However, I usually find them at all-Black events. The problem there is that in being a proud American, I am very loving of the melting pot that is America. Reveling in the great sexual beauty of all of those colors coming together. So any environment that is all black, all white, or any single color in between, I don't like being in for long. Add to that my being a proud and real New York City native, I am even more so appreciative, craving, and respecting of that melting pot and its sexual beauty.

Now, if I could find more Black men unlike that guy in those multi-colored environments, instances such as the one I told about here would happen a lot less. For within a week's time, this was not the only such incident with a black male in a racially diverse environment. In fact, it was the 2nd of 3 within a week.

So yes, sadly I must report that this is a real problem. One in which many black males in racially diverse spaces need to do better for me to address them as Black men. 

Sex Party Etiquette: Do You, Boo! Don't Intrude!

I knew when sex parties started coming back as the pandemic got under some degree of control that a level of social ineptitude would expose itself. I foresaw it enough to write an article about it for Thotyssey's "X-Rayed Sex".  Also being single and sexual, once sex parties returned, so would I. So I have been to Scum and Milk Chocolate NYC parties. However, I did not expect to see behavior at both parties so far that would make me feel the need to post this on my Instagram:

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A post shared by LeNair Xavier (@lenairxavier71)

Recent ventures have been plucking at my last nerve. For it seemed at a recent of SCUM's Gush party that patrons had no concept of doing their own thing. I couldn't even fuck a guy in the sling without 3 - 5 older white and Latin guys coming in the middle of it. Putting their faces and hands in places that totally interrupted the flow of the sex. It was just a night in which were so void of social skills that they all felt the need to horn in on someone else's play time, instead of finding their own.

In the case of this one 20-something trash heap that happened to be Latino, he felt the need to horn in with the intent to flat out steal my playmate. Well, by further interaction, I realized the white guy he horned in on my time with was actually high as fuck, so there was no real loss there. So the white guy did me a favor substituting me with the trash heap because my 50 year-old popper-free hole was too tight compared to the trash heap's poppered-up hole. As the white guy needed a looser hole to accommodate his drug-induced inability to keep the hard-on I created.

If anyone is wondering why I am citing the color/ethnicity of those involved, I do so because their actions triggered a need for acknowledgement. Either to praise someone for doing better than the racist sexual expectation (racist sexpectation) gay media has told us to expect from one of a certain background; OR call out a behavior that is indicative of the numerous acts of sexual entitlement I have reported over the years and which color/ethnicities facets of gay entertainment has given a pass to commit it most. So this instance, it is to cite the latter.

With that said, I can give credit to most of the Black males who were present. For gym-bodied Black males (porn-endorsed as they are) tend to also be culprits of such behavior. However on this night, of the many who were there, I had such an intrusion from only one.  

Perhaps this was a bad week. Because the last straw making me need to address this inability to do their own thing happened at a Milk Chocolate NYC party held at Rainbow Playground. If anyone has been to that space, then you know how it has a number of booths and rooms for privacy while you play. However, the doors are locked by a hook & eye latch like the one pictured below So many of the social retards (and there were many) will push the door open while you're playing and peep at you. When you are secure in your playing, or simply want your privacy by being in that room, it gets creepy. Making you feel as if you're being gawked at by Jack Nicholson's character in "The Shining" when he chops open the hole in the door and says, "Here's Johnny!"

Such patron's behavior might not be as horrific, but to the sexually secure and those wanting their privacy in a space that allows it, it is just as unnerving. 

The reason I point out sexually secure is because one thing this age of OnlyFans and JustForFans has exposed is the desperation for validation many gay males still have over their gay sex. The tell-tale sign is how they look into the camera often while having sex instead of focusing on their partner. Transfer that mindset to sex parties, then you have guys who need to be seen, instead of enjoying being seen by chance like a true exhibitionist. And they do it on repeat because they get no real satisfaction since they're just preaching to the choir. 

Only someone seeking that validation would not be royally pissed when the intruders I speak of got to the point that it seems they toyed enough with the hook to undo the lock and open the door to the rooms in the midst of guys playing. Leading to groups of 3 - 5 guys staring at those in the room. What makes this even worse?...

While walking around the space, I saw this happening simultaneously in 2 separate rooms at opposite ends of the space.

Some of you are probably wondering why am I the one complaining, and not the guys this happened to. It's because the typical gay male is taught by various facets of our own community to be complacent to intrusions upon our personal time and spaces. And I want to take us out of that display of self-loathing. Do better as gay/bisexual males. Especially since my past as a go-go boy and studio-based porn performer, I know firsthand that gay porn and nightlife are 2 of those facets teaching such rabid complacency. One of the reasons I never became a star in neither is because any rule in which I felt my personal space was being intruded upon, I pushed back. If not by verbal force, I let my actions of rebelling do the talking.

Hence why when such intrusions upon my playtime in a room with someone happened to me, I immediately threw the 1st guy out. Thereby never letting it get to the point that unless it was in an open space that one guy became a group of 4, 5, or more guys of guys watching my entire play session. Spending all that time watching me instead of seeking fun of their own. Perhaps if they sought fun of their own, they would not be so horned up that they become intrusive to one's personal space when they approach someone. Or perhaps they would be more resilient to being rejected after approaching someone in a civilized manner.

Well, as a 5'6" Black man who finds himself in mostly diverse environments, is versatile in action, yet unlike the porn-endorsed image of what he should be with non-blacks prefers bottoming, if anyone knows rejection, it's me. But as you can see, I also know how to bounce back from it, and not be a social retard because I let the rejection beat me.

That's the message I'm trying to get through here. For this acting out because of this inability to cope, and sexual repression is what is keeping good people away from sex parties. And I'm sure some reading this will try blaming my writing this as the reason why those people stay away. Well, I know that's just passing the buck to avoid the big picture. For if I don't write it here, there will be many more who will go tell their friends and the word will spread from there. My writing this is just written confirmation to 2nd their hearsay, not incite it. Either way, it furthers it as being true. And that last part is what makes me an easy target for blame. For I'm the one you see telling the story.

With all that said, is there is an easy solution to the problem? Only if the issues that are causing these negative behaviors at sex parties is corrected from the patrons by them taking a much-needed look within. Otherwise, the promoters' hands are tied, and not in a good way.

Lastly, do note that overall, I still have fun at sex parties. These things I'm pointing out are inconveniences that stop them from being even more fun. Fun that can be stifled completely for someone who doesn't know their way around it like I have found. And that's the point. They, nor I should have to do that. So this is me serving gay males notice that we need to do better. Don't come to sexually permissive spaces until you have learned how to keep your jealousy and insecurities in check. Learn to stop yourself from imposing upon other's time. For you are ruining it for those who deserve to be there. 

Qther rules of Sex Party Etiquette can be found on the more adult "L's XXX-Ray Vision". 

Backstory & What If: "Tales of a Male Straight Porn Actor's Husband"

 
In case you didn't know or have forgotten, I occasionally write sex articles for the sex toy company Kiiroo. A few months ago however, they asked me for an erotic short story. The one I gave was actually a true story. Recently though, I pitched to them a story that was actual fiction.

The idea was born out of 2 facts I've confessed to when porn is part of my masturbation:

1) I watch more straight porn than gay porn, and;
2) While I'm totally versatile in action, in my fantasies however, I'm more of a bottom.

Keeping those 2 facts in mind, then you are right to conclude that the pleasure one assumes that male is giving that female's vagina is pleasure I'm imagining him giving to my ass.

My masturbation fantasy is usually nothing more than him still being an actor in straight porn. So he has sex will a lot of women, and while I'm the only guy he wants, he is not in a relationship with me. In fact, whether he even has an actual relationship is never part of the fantasy. So since he's having sex with me and those porn starlets, he was definitely bisexual. It's just a matter of what kind of bisexual was he. More gay than straight, more straight than gay, or right down the middle.

In any case, when I decided to build a story around that fantasy, I felt a deeper involvement between the two was more interesting. At first conscious thought, it seemed unbelievable. However, the more I thought about the idea, the more I realized how the fantasy of me, a predominately gay bisexual having sex with a male who does straight porn as expression within a relationship...

This could possibly be someone's reality.

Like I said, for this short story, I made the couple have an actual relationship. Then I upped the ante some more. For the initial story idea was to make my character and the pornstar (whose name is "Zen Massif") boyfriends that had been together for a few years. Then came the last minute idea to up the ante even more so by making us married. It was a means to indicate how while being an unwed couple for a few years shows that you have been through a lot of discovery with each other, getting to the point of marriage means the bond is even stronger. You need such a strong bond if you're going to be involved with someone who is not only in the sex industry as a porn actor, but with whom you have a non-monogamous relationship.

With that in mind, I'm sure many are wondering why would anyone even fantasize, much less actually be so deeply involved with a porn actor. It is because sex between 2 (or more) people truly attracted to each other is a beautiful sight. Especially when the motivation bringing them together are pure. Such as being void of racism, or sexualizing of daddy issues, or glamorizing incest. When absent of such motivations, sex alone or in an orgy has a beauty more than words can describe.  Even if you know one or more of those people are romantically involved with someone else. With that in mind, the thought of watching my significant other being sexual attracted to someone else, pleasuring them that once (twice or occasionally), but always coming home to/with me to pleasure me many times over is a massive turn-on. Also, having that outside person be the means by which you can see the beauty of your partner's sexual motions that you can't see when he is with you, or that you might miss if you have strategically placed mirrors to see yourselves.

Keeping all that in mind, I titled it "Tales of a Male Straight Porn Actor's Husband".

I wrote this story to be more of a preface for more tales to follow. Tales that could easily be adapted to become a porn film. So what if this story was to be adapted to become an actual porn film? With my ownership and pride in this fantasy, the only way a porn adaption would get my blessing is if I played the storyteller. So yes, I would actually come out of my retirement from doing studio-based porn to play that role. And hence why before the story was published, I made my own banner. Even though I knew Kiiroo would make one up themselves.

Now, if I would be playing the storyteller, then who would play my porn stud husband, "Zen Massif"?

Whoever I would approve of, with the exception of being in love with me, the guy playing Zen Massif would have to be a great deal of a real-life version of him. Firstly, he would definitely have to be sexually attracted to me. Because I refuse to fake the chemistry. Also, the guy would have to have shown his bisexual pride by being an out and proud bisexual. He cannot treat his straight or gay side like each side is on a half of a flip-switch. With that side it flips on being triggered only by the weight of dollars placed on it. Instead both his straight and gay side are triggered by the weight of his prospective sex partner's sexual spirit.

The only way the porn actor can mentally and sexually differ from Zen is how his bisexuality does not have to be predominately gay like Zen and myself. He could be a predominately straight bisexual. Having just enough gay and a lust for me to fuck my ass into oblivion for all the world to see---at least twice.

The "at least twice" is in reference to my doing the aforementioned continuation of the story. That continuation depends on either how well the story is received, or just for my own entertainment. In any case, each part would be a sexual escapade featuring Zen and/or my character either together, or with other people that would also be one scene in a porn flick. And at least 2 of those detailed stories would have Zen with his husband.

Whatever the case, it would not be the overkill of bodies in most bisexual porn movies, especially of today. For most bisexual porn movies today are MMF 3-way after MMF 3-way. You hardly ever see  nowadays how and if the guy behaves differently when he is alone with a male compared to when he is alone with a female. The last time I recall seeing a total 1-on-1 scene within a bisexual porn was in the movie "Semper Bi", and that movie was made over a decade ago. With that in mind, I must sadly surmise that all the MMF scenes in one movie is probably a tactic used to prevent you from seeing when the male porn performer has monetized his sexual orientation. An act that is a total contradiction to the character of Zen that anyone playing him should not do. 

So will those stories happen? Only time will tell. In any case, I do hope you read the erotic story, enjoy it, then let me know if you want some follow-up stories.

The chapters that follow: