"You Like That Ni**er D*ck?"...Yes, He Said THAT!

Recently, I went to the bathroom in a gay bar. There were 2 guys in there having sex. In spite of this, I proceeded to take my piss at a urinal. As that's somewhat of  commonality in this space.

The bottom was a Latino, whom I knew. The top was light-skinned, but being a lousy judge of ethnicity, I could not be sure what his ethnicity was. 

My peripheral vision saw a black male suddenly come into the bathroom. He was not my favorite person since I already saw him do something outside the bathroom that I hate. He imposed himself upon the action of others. So fitting the stereotype, he aggressively started topping the Latin bottom. With aggression that made him look like practically every black gay porn actor whose majority of their scenes are them topping white/light-skinned boys (not men). And it was negative aggression. Because after all, this was not his fuck. Like I said, he imposed himself into the mix. So there was no sex positivity to be seen in that fuck once he got in it. Nor was there any to be heard.

For not too long into topping the Latino, the black guy said, "Yeah! You like that nigger dick?"

I don't know what the Latin bottom said. Because I was too disgusted by the black guy's words. For that word coming out of his mouth in reference to himself, plus witnessing him impose himself into other's fun made him a trifling creature that lessened his worth.

As I have said in past blog articles, I don't play voyeurs to sex sessions in such places. For while many sex sessions in such spaces are based on sexual racism and colorism, I refuse to look because I've done enough vicarious living before my coming out. Displays of both made that black guy such a disappointment that it made it real easy for me to walk away and not look.

When I told others of what I had witnessed, all of whom were either white or light-complexioned, they thought that I should just dismiss it. Because as one of them put it, "Seeing himself in a way to use that word is not a 'you' problem. That's a 'him' problem."

True and wise as that statement may be, I replied, but couldn't put it into the best words as I can after processing it. So I will now.

Dr. Phil McGraw has told a number of his guests over the years, "You teach people how to treat you".

Well, what many overlook is that when you're a minority in a space, the way you allow people to treat you (which is how they're taught to treat you) is also how you're teaching them to treat others in your minority group.

This is why I take such a strong stand against unwanted touch with my exhibitionism. Enough to pitch it to Damon L. Jacobs to be interviewed on the matter. Because if I allow myself to be touched without verbal and/or physical reprimand to someone I clearly said "NO!" to, then I am also teaching those aggressors to treat every other exhibitionists with the same disrespect. 

So in this instance, this black male in a space full of mostly white and light-skinned males who are more than likely heavily influenced by the racist rules of porn, to anyone who overheard him use that N-word to describe himself, he just further cemented their negative view of Black males as being "less than". Only worthy of being fetishized, then disposed of. Why? Because according to his behavior with that word, he does not even have pride in himself. So why should anyone else?! Thereby making it be that another black male, maybe even myself was going to have to pick up where he fucked up by demanding better treatment for those of us who truly know the beauty of our Black selves.

With that said, the more multiple brands of a minority you are, and the more self-aware you are, the more sensitive you will be to that responsibility to teach people how to treat you. And being a Black out predominately gay bisexual who is also an unapologetic American exhibitionist, I am of many minorities that make me sensitive to that responsibility.

What you say in the privacy of your own private spaces is one thing. However, when you are in a public space, a public sexual space, that is a different story. And race play is one of those things. 

In such sexual spaces, one should stick to vanilla dirty talk. The problem is gay males are getting more overly self-entitled. Thinking they should not have to censor themselves. Refusing to acknowledge how they are not in their private space, but a public one. As their private space would be where such language should be allowed without outside judgement.

Now, I will tell you that I am all about letting go during sex. However, I do make mental notes of what I cannot do with someone because I am in a certain space. For in a public space, the lack of consent to certain language and actions can cause justified problems from both your playmate(s) and onlookers. 

That is why this instance rubs me the wrong way.

For that N-word is highly offensive to me, as it is to many others. Regardless of how it is used. Now, if this guy wants to do such race play, then he should do so in private. NOT in a bar bathroom or backroom that is not overall sponsoring that kind of play.

Maybe even an hour or more after hearing that guy's social ineptitude make him say that word, I was just standing around. The black guy walked pass me and grabbed my arm as if out of flirtation. I was so beyond repulsed. Seconds after he kept walking I could still feel his touch. I tried to tune it out and proceed with minding my own business to not react by wiping the essence of him off of me. But I couldn't help but eventually feverishly rub my arm. Because his touch made me feel like maggots were crawling and squirming on me. Maggots that were multiplying by the millisecond. So rubbing my arm became inevitable to try and get the ugliness of his self-loathing soul off of my skin.

In any case, I'm telling this because it needs to be said. People need to be mindful of where they are, and how they define themselves in public may not only be harmfully misrepresentational of themselves. But also their entire community.

My Poppers Experiment...A Turnaround?

Imagine coming into work one day and finding a bottle of poppers in your locker.  Some reading this are thinking, "Whoo hoo!"

Now, imagine being me. Someone who everyone in your workplace knows is very much against poppers. So if you were me, you would be pretty pissed, wouldn't you?

Well, that was me the day I came to work and found a bottle of Super Rush sitting in my locker at the sex shop I work at. I didn't throw a fit. I felt I would get a logical explanation soon enough, and I did. A co-worker later told me that a vendor sent some samples or different brands and that was the one he put in my locker. The co-worker even offered to take it off my hands if I wanted them to. I decided to keep it simply for photographic purposes if/when I write another article against poppers. Instead, as a couple of days went by, another idea of what to do with that bottle of poppers came to mind.

With hindsight being 20/20, while the knowledge of poppers being a harmful chemical still prevail as a huge deterrent from me partaking of them, I have come to realize that part of my disdain is also how poppers were introduced to me. They were shoved in my face during a tryst by a top unwilling to take his time with my hole that is tight as one's hole should be.

I'm sure that was the case for most who bottom. A lazy, self-serving, sexually uneducated top shoved poppers in their face to shut them up of the bottom's justified complaint of pain from rushed anal entry. Hence my disappointment with bottoms who use poppers for sex. For after that top usurped that bottom's body, the bottom never stopped to realize how poppers were imposed upon them. Therefore, further use is them refusing to let that realization inspire them to undo their dependency on poppers.

I italicized dependency for a reason. For what else would you call it when a bottom misplaces their poppers at a sex party or backroom, and they scramble like a crazy person looking for them. Almost in the same way a heroin addict psychotically scrambles for their misplaced drugs. Almost every gay male reading this has seen it. Maybe even during a tryst in their own home. It is not a sexy sight at all. I have become less invested in many playmates that used poppers because of such actions.

 

In my experimentation with various substances like cocaine, ecstasy, crystal meth, and even marijuana (when it was illegal here in New York), my goal has always been to find an answer to...WHAT'S THE DRAW? Then if I find that answer, my next question becomes: WHAT'S THE PAYOFF?

Especially, the long-term payoff.

With all of those previous experiments, I definitely found the draw. It is the long-term payoff that has led me to not partake of those substances on a more regular basis. For most of the substances I mentioned lead to a limp dick and/or your sex partner(s) not being the primary and/or sole source of your excitement, pleasure, and orgasm. So what did my experiment with poppers prove?

The exact same result.

For I will admit that with my experiment with poppers, I definitely got a chance to experience the draw through masturbation sessions. The high did feel great. My heart racing did scare me for a bit, but not panicking and taking deep breaths helped that to subside. I did still enjoy the high. That I will not deny.

So trust me, being able to have this experience did let me get a chance to learn the draw to poppers on my own time, and on my own turf. Without the coercion of a stereotypical, selfish, no-brained, no patience-having douche of a top.

With the exception of one time, I conducted these experiments with poppers alone. That only experiment while with a playmate was not with the bottle given to me. I was topping in a bar backroom and a voyeur I became friendly with earlier offered me theirs. Considering I was doing these experiments with poppers at home, I accepted. And it immediately bothered me emotionally.

Because compared to the pleasure I felt using the poppers in solo play, the use while with a playmate made me take time away from my playmate. That made me feel like a lousy lover. So obtaining a high from poppers took away from the pleasure I should have felt with my sex partner. It also put me on the verge of lessening my ability to accurately grade my sex partner's performance. So I never experimented using poppers while having any kind of intercourse again.

So after this experiment, has my position on poppers changed? Somewhat. Because now, I more so support the use of poppers for solo use. Meanwhile, with intercourse, I still stand behind my sentiment that your sex partner(s) should be your primary and/or sole high. And in regards to anal sex, when you bottom, your top is supposed to display patience and knowledge of your body and human anatomy in general to make himself your substance-free anal motivator & anal relaxer.

Plus, the repeated pauses to take a huff of poppers interrupts the flow and rhythm of sex. Thereby leaving participants unfulfilled. Often without them even knowing it. So this point is not just for those who use poppers during gay sex. It is for those who use them during any orientation of intercourse. And let us also keep in mind that anal sex is not for everyone.

I would like to say that the new information I found through experimentation and an article from Popper-Aromas.eu made me do a complete turnaround on the issue of poppers. However, such is not the case.

It is because people have repeatedly shown themselves to be followers of using things that can serve a good purpose, but someone comes up with a counterproductive purpose, then people join the bandwagon and make that the main use instead. Poppers are one of those things. So while there are sometimes health benefits with using poppers, you can't trust the sight of poppers when you know an overwhelming majority are using them simply to get high because they have allowed intercourse alone to not enough of a high for them.

With all that said, am I as against poppers as much as I was before? No. I might even partake of them myself in the same frequency I partake of marijuana, which is not much at all. However, I will still keep the previous articles I've written about poppers up because I would prefer to inspire people to not use them. For we are headed towards a society dependent on foreign substances, instead of the natural ones between the bodies in order to get through a sexual encounter. And that needs to stop.

The Color Heckling Us For Making Out Outside The C*ck

Recently, I went to the NYC gay bar, The Cock. I met a guy there with whom I made out with inside the bar, and we liked each other so much that we considered upping the ante by taking it to where he was staying. 

Before I continue, the following about myself will become necessary immediately after.

My brain is always multi-tasking. Even when I am with someone. To be more exact of how that works, my conscious mind is focused on my partner, while my subconscious is taking note of all of the things notable by the 5 senses unrelated to my partner. With that, my subconscious doesn't interrupt the conscious mind unless it has taking note that the initially thought to be unrelated to my time with my partner is evolving into a possible danger we need to avoid.

My subconscious working this way is actually how I get a lot of my knowledge of behavior in sexual spaces even while I am in the midst of having some sexy fun myself. Behaviors that are both directed at me, and at others. After my partner and I have parted ways, I recall and process all of the details of what happened around us. So with hindsight being 20/20, that is why recollection of those behaviors are so often seconded by one or more readers.

So what does that have to do with my make out session and the title?

During one of our instances of making out, I was grazing against the solid gate of the establishment next door to the bar as he kissed me. In the background, I heard a bunch of frat-boy loud-mouths approaching. I'm sure they were coming from the $1 pizza place one block south of The Cock. My playmate and I continued kissing.

Then all of the sudden, I heard this male chorus of voices yelling "Ill!!!" and "Ewwww!"

While my initial thought was to ignore them, just as a precaution, my subconscious mind put it to the forefront of my mind to only take note of their actions just in case I needed to defend myself and/or my playmate. As my playmate did turn around to look at them. I tried to bring his attention back to me. Urging him to follow my lead by telling him, "I only acknowledge relevant people. Not irrelevant people, like them."

After they kept on their way, he continued trying to convince me to come back to where he was staying. We already exchanged numbers. So doing it another time was definitely possible. However, he finally broke me, and I agreed to go with him.

Back to the crowd of hecklers.  I immediately noticed that this horde of guys were mostly (if not all) white.

This triggered a floodgate of racist propaganda and double standards I have witnessed over the years. Such as how the racism of mainstream media, especially gay media has long put out this narrative about the existence of "black homophobia". A means to portray Blacks as unevolved when it comes to the acceptance of LGBTQ+ people. It is a narrative still being put forth today. And while there may be some truth to that, this instance solidifies how I have long known that such homophobia still exists among white/light-skinned males. However, it is not given the same degree of punishment by the masses.

What allows this fakery of presenting whites as being more evolved is a major negative of white culture - the monetizing of every thing possible. In this case, that is one's sexual orientation. For porn producers have long given whites and light people of color a means to turn a huge profit as they internalize their homophobia and/or use money as an excuse to display a side of their sexual selves they don't want to openly admit to. Hence the idea of "sexuality is fluid" instead of someone owning how their action show them to be some kind of  bisexual.

Mainstream Hollywood is also guilty of making whites seem more evolved in this area by offering gay roles to way more straight white males than Black actors. So what makes "black homophobia" so much more prevalent is because in a racist and capitalism-driven nation like the United States, blacks are not given the same means to mask their homophobia. And if they are, it is nowhere near in the same economic range as white/light-skinned people.

This leads me to pause before someone tries to say that black males do gay-for-pay as well. To which I say that due to my disgusting recollection of doing a scene with such a black gay-for-pay porn actor, Double R, I am well aware of that being true. However, it is white males heading the porn companies and websites hiring these guys of all colors who falsely define as "straight". Giving them a playground for this dysfunction. A dysfunction that as I proved in an article from over a decade ago can have harmful consequences.

T prove my point of white males giving these self-destructive playgrounds, note this list of ethnic porn companies (past and present) that have hired gay-for-pay porn actors of color are:

Big City Video
Pitbull Productions (my scene with a scene partner who was gay-for-pay was with them) 
FlavaWorks
Original Latino Fan Club

What do they all have in common?...THEY ARE ALL HEADED BY WHITE MALES. And paying the performers far less than the more white-starring porn companies.

The bottom line is that if one heckling for being true to myself can incite so many negative memories from within a community that I am supposed to be considered a part of, then it totally justifies feeling that the gay community is not a community. Such an ongoing history is why when LGBTQ+ Pride comes around, my celebrations are about pride in myself. Not us as a community. For as long as these racist propagandas and double standards continue, the idea of community is just that - an idea.

To be more exact, a façade.

Denied Self Becomes Violent Self

Originally posted on "Tre's X-Ray Vision" on February 7, 2008

While I have definitely had my say regarding my disdain for "gay-for-pay" actors, a news item that had been brought to my attention thanks to Men Of Color Blog back in 2008 brought forth another reason to light as why studios should stay away from these guys.

I have admitted to being a fan of his, even considered him as a possible scene partner knowing he was "gay-for-pay", but when I heard that Nickolay Petrov was being charge with attempted murder, I started to realize that there seems to be a trend going on here. It seems that every gay porn actor that makes the headlines because of some act of violence is a "gay-for-pay" actor. Look at the other people I can use as evidence - Marcus Allen, Mark Dalton, and one of my very own past scene partners, Double R (from what I've heard) is in trouble with the law in a way that could put him away for a long time.

Now, I am in no way about imply that truly gay men don't have a violent streak. But you have to wonder, does the fact that these "gay-for-pay" actors denying their true selves contribute to the violent acts there are accused of. Are they taking violence as a way to show the manhood they fear losing if they admit that they're gay or bisexual? Or is the violence against someone else actually them using their victim(s) as a punching bag for how much they want to hit themselves for lying to themselves and the women in their lives about their sexual orientation?

I'm sure that is the reason for that violent streak because, I was once there myself. I admit to having a terrible temper, but before my realizing my sexual orientation and embracing it, I had a lot less control over it. In fact, I left my last job out of fear that my temper was going to get out of control, and I would become another news story of a disgruntled employee. Even though, I have a great deal to be angry with my present employers over that could put me in that same state of mind, since my sexual awakening, the thoughts to resort to a horrific degree of violence are under control. Why? Because my anger towards my former employers compounded with my anger towards myself for lying about who I really am gave me a need to release that self-inflicted inner-rage. Now, even though my present employers are assholes inept at being humane, with the anger gone due to my resolving the issue of my sexual orientation, my anger towards them is strictly towards them. And I never get angry enough towards them that it blinds me to the fact that no employer is worth me risking my life as a free member of society.

It has been theorized that gay-bashers attack gays out of self-loathing they feel because gays live the sex lives the gay-bashers have thought about even for a flash at one point or another, but feel guilty because of the environments the gay-bashers were raised in. And these "gay-for-pay" actors committing these acts of violence may be even worse, because compared to gay-bashers who usually attack total strangers, more of these "gay-for-pay" actors are attacking people who are a part of their life, be it business or personal. With that in mind, I believe that it is safe for me personally to theorize that their victim becomes a target when they in some way remind the "gay-for-pay" actor of his gay acts that he tries to bury because he's not on a gay porn set at that time.

Once again, I must address this to the studios hiring these guys, who as it seems that because of their denial of themselves are more capable of these violent acts than your already out and proud gay/bi man. Because of this potential for violence due to self-loathing, these guys are a risk to the image you should want to present. I am not saying that a truly gay/bi man is not capable of the same degree of violence, but when you are knowingly bring someone in denial of themselves into the fold, you create an almost 100% risk to creating a mentally unsafe environment for your truly gay actors. Remember my incident with Double R? These "gay-for-pay" guys bring their uneasy vibe from their self-denial with them, and since producers and directors aren't the ones topping or (even more uneasy) being a bottom with these guys, you don't know of what us actors have to mentally put ourselves through to deal with these guys. What would be even worse though would be if you didn't care.

At this point, I do not totally fault the porn studios for hiring these guys. There is a fascination with them as to how they call themselves straight yet fuck men. But now that I have presented this reality to myself, and passed it on to you, I hope this fascination is over for you as it is now over for me. With that being said, should this "gay-for-pay" trend continue, I will begin to hold studios responsible. These are obviously unstable people, more unstable than most, and allowing them into the fold of gay porn to deal with the demands of it will only increase their instability.

Sex Party Etiquette: Older Guys, Heavyset Guys, & Blacks Are NOT The Help

I went to the SCUM party, Gush one Monday night. There after topping this tall, older well-built White male, I did my recommended post-sex wash-off, then stood on the side. While standing there, a guy who appeared to be light-skinned Latino, with black hair, moderately hairy, with a tan baseball cap and glasses looked over to me like he was about to say something. However, the next thing out of his mouth pissed me off.

He said, "You were fucking that guy earlier."

I said, "Yes."

He said, "Is he only a top?"

I said, "I don't know."

He then asks, "Is he still here?"

I replied, "I don't know." After a brief paused, I said, "Why are you asking me?"

In his attitude of white/light entitlement, he shrugged it off by saying, "Well, you were fucking him. So I thought I'd ask."

As many have told me that my eyes tell everything I'm thinking, I've come to use it as a weapon to get ignorant people out of my sight. So after that statement, I gave him one sharp glance and turned my head. Making the now awkward silence make him go elsewhere.

My thought was that it is a sex party. If you want to know where someone is, if you see someone you like who has walked pass you, you just get up off your ass and go look for them. Don't ask others about them. Especially not the person that just had sex with them, yet you have no intention of fucking the person you questioned. 

Post-sex conversations about someone's playmate are to be compliments of one's performance with that playmate. Not a questionnaire about the playmate's position and whereabout stats to dismiss in their minds your time with that person. Such a questionnaire is a power-play meant to diminish (and erase) my encounter from his mind. By treating me like the help. A walking information desk. Instead of a fellow hunter and actual sexual equal. Especially since he saw the person he wanted have an encounter with a Black man.

Unfortunately, many young white and light-skinned people of color gaining acceptance via colorism behave this way. Neglecting how at a sex party, unless you know the person outside the sex party, you practically never strike up a conversation unless you're looking to have sex with that person. Young white and light-skinned guys in their attitude of entitlement seem to follow this rule only when they talk to their own. For anyone outside of their age, body type, and/or skin color mirror image, it is a coin-toss as to whether or not sex with you is their goal. If there is no sex on their To-Do list with you, then it is probably just chit-chat for the sake of seeming friendly. Compensating for the pretentiousness that makes them sexually see you as less than.

It is not only striking up conversations to get information is not the only method one is treated as the help. These same guys will also use non-whites, heavyset guys, and older guys as fluffers. Because in their attitude of entitlement, you are not good enough to fuck. You are only good enough to service those perceived as "sex gods". Because of this attitude, I have come to hate the word "service" in porn titles and descriptions to mean oral sex. Even though I have admitted to moments at which I like being submissive.

Some years ago, seeing a bunch of white and light-skinned Latinos do this to an Asian one time too many at a NY Jock Party is why I stopped going there. And when I meet someone who has attended NYJP in the years since, they report to me as to nothing has changed. Of course, such reports only come from non-white attendees as white attendees are too self-involved about getting theirs to notice when someone else is being slighted.

For these reasons, I saw this guy asking about the one I had sex with as being motivated by jealousy. Jealousy that I had sex with someone he found attractive, but felt because of my being Black that I wasn't good enough. So this questioning was his cowardly, petty, and racist way to say, "Yeah, I want him. Not you."

Sadly, this questioner would have probably done the same thing if a heavyset and/or older person had sex with the guy I was with. Why? Because acts of ageism, racism, colorism, and body-shaming in environments like this are born out of insecurity. So because they are taught that Black males, heavyset guys, and older guys do not have sex appeal, to see such people acquire someone they want brings them to a reality that reminds them that they are not sex gods. That the world (or the gay community) does not revolve around them or bend to their every will. And that makes them scared...as they should be.

For behavior such as this guy's makes it only a short matter of time before his attempt to be a discarder will result in him actually becoming the discarded. With the only possible way to keep the illusion that he is not discarded alive is by buying off young guys with the promise of booze and drugs.

So this post is to warn many to do better. Because I keep saying it, and the rule has not changed...Karma is a bitch.

If Face Obstructions Are Your Schtick, I'm Not Watching Your Sh*t

When I say in the title "face obstructions", I mean those creating a porn following while hiding their face. Doing everything from wearing a hood or mask, wearing a blindfold, pixelating the face, blurring the face, to blocking the face with a phone or other object. There seems to be a lot of porn out there now made by such people using this gimmick. It is an idiocy I want no part of.

I won't subscribe to it, nor would I ever hook-up on camera with such a person. And it makes me feel a certain way about those subscribing to them, but even worse, collaborating with them. Because it means they are enabling every negative I speak of in this article about this schtick. And I won't cancel those who collaborate with them. My concern is that they are not seeing this to the depth that I'm seeing it. Hence part of the necessity for this article.

Before I go any further though, let it be known that I am not talking about people who do one or two porn scenes with their face obstructed. With an avoidance of  notoriety that makes them either not have a name or paid following. Such as my playmate from years ago in my homemade video "Why It's WE Fucked".

I am also not talking about guys who have donned a hood/mask occasionally, but overall you still know their face. This is to address the one obsessed creature on Instagram who tried to call me a hypocrite for criticizing mask-wearing in porn because I wore a hood in one of my videos. Meanwhile, in over 95% of my videos before and since that one, my face has been shown. Because me wearing a hood or mask is like everything else I do sexually. It hits me in that moment, then afterwards, I put it away for another day.

The first problem with these facial obstructions is that it is a fake freedom. They think they are sexually liberated, but they are not. If you really own what you are doing, you don't hide your face doing it.

I was done enabling sexual lies to myself and others the very day I came out to myself on February 9, 2002. So I'm not hooking up on camera (or otherwise) with a person lying to themselves. Because if they are lying to themselves, there's a good chance they are lying to others. And not just a corporate job, which is the go-to excuse. But to a partner. Maybe even a partner who is a girlfriend/wife. And collaborating with such a guy makes you an enabler to a lie. Bad karma I don't want coming my way.

Many don't realize that everyone who does a facial obstruction in porn fits a racist white-endorsed image of sex appeal. If you think I'm wrong, then comment with someone who does not fall into the skin color-based traits listed below.

WHITE MALES - All a white male obstructing his face in porn really needs for acceptance is to have is a fit body. Thanks to the sexual white male privilege displayed in the gay community, a top having a big dick, or a bottom having a nice ass is appreciated, but not necessarily a must. For people of color however, such is not the case;

LIGHT-SKINNED NON-WHITE MALES - The colorism that is used to cover up racism is heavily used here. For the rules for light-skinned males obstructing their face are a bit more open than for a medium to dark-complexioned male, but still limiting.

For light-skinned males, the rules of acceptance of their facial obstruction is a whispered reminder of how much they are not white, even though many try to assimilate the racism of whites. Because for light-skinned males, unlike with white males, being well-endowed in the marketed area of the body is indeed a must. Therefore, a light-skinned bottom will not be accepted without having a nice ass, and a light-skinned top won't be accepted without having a big dick. And while his white counterpart can be a grower, a light-skinned male is only accepted if he is a shower.

MEDIUM TO DARK-COMPLEXIONED MALES - While the rules for a facially obstructed medium to dark-complexioned male being accepted start off being the same as those for a light-complexioned male, how much of the superficial success he'll achieve is dependent upon whether he is doing so as a top or bottom. Hence furthering my point of how the rules are racist white-endorsed.

For a black male being a top using his dick as a weapon to avenge slavery is still the typical white ideal of what makes a black male sexy. And all of the more popular black males with their faces obstructed as their porn schtick and featured in interracial scenes are all big-dicked, aggressive fucking tops. Medium to dark-complexioned bottoms hiding their face are nowhere nearly as popular.

Going back to the hiding because of one's job excuse. To that I say...

No one told you to live a life in which you can't do porn freely. Furthermore, doing porn for the public to see should not be a necessity. If one sees it as a necessity, it is because they have allowed their sexuality to be validated by other's point of view. That is not a necessity. That is a sign of a social dysfunction within. Especially since most of those that the validation is sought from are more about depravity than exhibitionism. And sad to admit, but doing porn is often treated as a rite of passage for gay males. So this social dysfunction is often heavily pushed upon us to have.

And I'm not going to request this politely, so I'm not saying "please". I'm just going to come right out and say do not try using the necessity for income during the pandemic as an excuse. Why not? Because it might be the case for some, and for them, I do empathize with their situation. However, facial obstruction for the negative reasons I have stated have been in existence long before the pandemic. The increase in porn viewing during the lockdown just happened to expose us to how too many have been doing it.

I want people who seek having an exhibitionist spirit and being sexually liberated to do so in both word and action. These facial obstructions are not it. And my coming down so harshly is because as adults, we all should know better. Instead, we have adults who in all of the ways I'm refusing to contribute to this falsehood of liberation are actually making a trail of to feed the falsehood.

So as I said before, I am not supporting a lie of sexual liberation. Not by way of my writing, my social media sharing, in spirit, and most definitely not by way of my wallet.

CumUnion Returns To Paddles

It is never my goal. However, a bonus to flashbacks of my public sex is when they say a real good "Fuck you" to a common misconception based on either ethnicity-based machismo, porn, or a combination of the 2.

And I had the opportunity when I took advantage of CumUnion's return to Paddles NYC.

Paddles NYC had closed for a bit as the Omicron variant of COVID surged in NYC. So during that time, CumUnion was being held at Rainbow Playground in Queens. I never attended because the nights it was happening was a night I had to be at work, and by the time I got off work, there would probably only be an hour left to the party, if that. So CumUnion's return to a day I'm off work and a closer venue was most welcome. 

As I wandered to take in the energy of the room, I saw this cute Latino in a jockstrap. He was short and slim. Shorter than my 5'6" self and slim enough to some to be considered a twink. I saw him and numerous guys approach him to be their top. One such scenario had at least 5 guys who looked my age and older surrounding him. It was real creepy and predatory to me. It was a scene I couldn't watch. I know one of the guys swooped in like a vulture to rim him, but if any of those guys actually led to full-on sex, I have no idea.

As I said before, I thought he was cute. However, as I said often of myself even in a tweet, I am an exhibitionist but quite shy socially. So if anything was going to happen, he would likely have to make the first move. Even more so seeing that he was approached so often that I automatically wanted to give him space to collect himself. That also gave me time to get up the nerve to where I might actually make the first move.

Well, after I last saw him, he came over to the dark backroom. I was standing in front a medical table straight to the back. That made him enter on my left. He then crossed pass me and stopped a few feet to my right. It was so dark where he was standing that while I thought he was looking at me, I wasn't sure. Wherever he was looking, he was stroking himself in his jockstrap. Seeing that made me stroke myself. Still seeming to look at me, he started to step back. Just in case that was for me, I started to up my game in showing interest by no longer looking away. However, I didn't move. I realized I was his point of interest when he stopped moving back then came forward. He came forward to where there was enough light to see there was no doubt he was looking at me and I at him. Then I started to slowly step towards him. That little step from me made him go full on towards me. We started stroking each other. He started at my chest and I at his. Then to my surprise, his strokes quickly went down to my ass.

Considering how he was pursued as a bottom so often earlier this was a shock. After so many guys wanting me to top, I've been lately getting approached to be a bottom, which as I stated in my Audio Fuck Profile, I more so prefer in my versatility. So he was quite welcome if that was where he was going. I love playing with a hot guy's cock big or small, soft or hard. So I enjoyed playing with his which was semi-erect when he started touching my ass, but got rock hard the more I stroked him.

He took me over to the side of the room. Wanting me to kneel on the bench so he could rim me. I loved his tongue. It made me super hungry for his cock. Even though I had no idea if actually fucking my ass was in his plans. Then it became official. He tried entering me. That's when I went for the lube in my sock. Putting some on my hole and some on his dick.

As he entered me, the connection between us made my hole do just as a past playmate said, "opens all hungry, then grabs like a vice". Because I wanted his cock so bad. So once inside me, that grip was my body's way of saying "Thank you".

Even though I outdid him in height and weight, his essence made his pounding feel taller and heavier. Exemplifying my poem "My Submission Has The Floor". Because his leans on my back as he thrusted in and out felt like they were covering me even though I know they didn't.

I loved every moans and breath on my neck and ear. Then he came. He slowly slipped his cock out of me, and I could feel my hole once wet solely from lube was now additionally wet from the cum he dragged out on the tip of his sweet dick.

I have said before that the way I can make so many assessments of what guys are doing while I'm having sex is that while in the moment, my conscious mind is solely into the person(s) I'm with. However, my subconscious mind is watching all that is going on with those outside of us. And hindsight being 20/20 tells me all that my subconscious took in.

With that said, one of the things my subconscious took in while bottoming for that sexy Latino was that guys were gathering around to watch. Why is this surprising? Because the gay community has come to only see that the only time a Black man like myself is worth watching have sex is when he is topping a non-Black person. Not bottoming. In fact, my 1st TikTok video was me complaining about how at another sex party, the room full of mostly white males ignored me being topped by an Asian male. But they started forming a football huddle around him when he topped a Latino, and around me when I topped a light-skinned Latino.

So this crowd forming gave me the impression that something might be changing for the better. Better as to how the role gay black males play with non-blacks not being as limited. Perhaps we are starting to be seen as having sex appeal as a bottom, as we have as a top. But that is just one place. It will take the exploration of others to know for sure.

Besides the older guys swarming my playmate and an instance while topping my playmate of a guy's interrupting hands inspiring a tweet, my return to CumUnion at Paddles NYC was quite satisfying. Because like the age-old saying goes...it's not about quantity, but quality. And that includes playmates at a sex party.